Engineer sent to Hell....

[Cranky]

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn’t take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says with a sneer: So, how are things in Hell? Satan replies: Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. And there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.
What! God exclaims: You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake, he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me.
Not a chance, Satan replies: I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!
God insists: Send him back or I’ll sue!
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?

 

[Al K]

Thanks,Cranky! Hey;why is arguing with an engineer like wrestling with a pig? Everybody gets dirty and the pig loves it.

Thanks;I'll be here all week. Please buy my CD on your way out...:tongueflap:

 

[shorty64]

Hey!!!! As a retired automotive engineer I resemble that remark!!!

...and the stories I could tell about things I've seen in the Big 3 offices, garages, & assy lines, let alone Class 8 truck terminals and repair shops!

...gives a whole new meaning to the term "field trip"!

 

[Al K]

Hey!!!! As a retired automotive engineer I resemble that remark!!!

...and the stories I could tell about things I've seen in the Big 3 offices, garages, & assy lines, let alone Class 8 truck terminals and repair shops!

...gives a whole new meaning to the term "field trip"!

No offense,Shorty;I worked at GM Engineering in Flint for 11 years. Saw some stuff that befuddled me as well-I was a Test Technician there-and also worked with some truly great engineers. Especially liked working with the guys that had their own projects going and the hand scars to prove the wrenching went on.

 

[shorty64]

Al K,

No offense taken. I always enjoyed my lab time with the technicians and spent as much time with "the parts" and away from the desk as I could. I hired many engineers and rated co-ops over the years and would pick a "B" student with hands-on experience & interest in some type of automotive/mechanical things anytime over a straight "A" academics who never leave the 'puter or get their hands dirty.

I was a co-op at Buick in Flint in the '64-'65 time frame and absolutely loved it since they did everything there from casting engine blocks and heads to forging axle shafts, stamped hoods, trunk lids, and even some exhaust pipes. The automatic transmission plant was also an amazing place.

But then, I also met a lot of engineers who had trouble getting out of their own way. They were seldom effective nor did the techs go out of the way to check with them for clarity on build or test instructions.

Very interesting career but I'm glad to be out from under the daily stress!

 

[Ron 73]

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn’t take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says with a sneer: So, how are things in Hell? Satan replies: Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. And there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.
What! God exclaims: You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake, he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me.
Not a chance, Satan replies: I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!
God insists: Send him back or I’ll sue!
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?

Now thats funny!!!!!

 

[Cranky]

I spent 5 years working for ARMCO Steel Houston Works and staying in the labor pool on grave yards for two years (my decision) and worked in just about every shop they had there and saw the whole 9 yards of what they had in steel production from guard rail post, plate, pipe, structurals, 24" wide flange and more. That was pretty interesting but working for ExxonMobil as a machinist was too. One of the things that the engineering dept did with the newbies was give them a project to do and it involved working with the machine shop with incorrect drawings. Over the 26 years that I was there, I saw this job come down the ladder several times. Some of the newbies were willing to listen to what we had to say while others stood fast and just said "do it" so we did. Those guys didn't stay around long. And yeah, we had a few machinists that couldn't change a spark plug and didn't have any kind of mechanical background. Could never figure out why or how they got hired.....well, some I knew how lol

 

[scotts74birds]

"An optimist will see the glass as half-full. A pessimist will see the glass as half-empty." An engineer will see the glass as being TWICE as big as it needs to be!
My wifes ex-husband was an engineer. And took it a bit too far by figuring the optimal patterns for the usage of Christmas wrapping paper!
I agree with Shorty as to the hiring of engineers. At Chrysler we hire too many off them based on academics, rather than actual floor experience. The old-timers that worked in the shops told me that they would find the good smart kids from the floor, and then the company would send them to school for their degree.
That was the generation that won a World War, and put men on the Moon!
Back then folks were hired, and promoted on ability. Not because we need another Asian female to round-out our diversity quota.
Case in point. My good friend Jim W., in the tool-room, amazed our barely-english speaking new hire, female, Asian, engineer. He made a modified and welded tool out of Vise-Grips to assist the assemblers in doing their job. This AMAZED our new engineer! She was un-familiar with Vise-Grips, and was CONVINCED Jim had just invented these!
I'm just saying...This is what is being hired solely on the degree the have.

 

[shorty64]

Got another one I just recalled.

One of our "middle mgt" tasks while I was an Engineering Manager in a friction material company was to partake in a cross functional mid mgt team environment to determine how to select prospective chemical engineering types for material compounding positions.

We met in the VP's conf room from 6:30-7:30am once/week to determine the process and what was needed for the right individuals. We had a mandate to hire only "PHD's" in an effort to portray how technically advanced we were becoming, and in theory, enhance the friction material compounding process.

Now we were all fired up at getting some high priced talent into those spots so we might improve our availability of top notch disc brake pads. Then when we started to actually interview prospective candidates we quickly became disappointed.

In my interviewing I emphasized how the new hire would have total latitude on coming up with the new formulations, getting prototypes made, getting tests conducted in the labs and on test cars, going with us engineers and sales guys to the OEMs to present our new hot stuff, etc. Every one of these PHDs got real nervous and asked how soon they would have to do this activity?

To shorten a longer story, they were expecting to sit around in their very own offices, read technical papers, go to seminars and conventions, tour the US and other countries, etc. The idea of getting their hands dirty in the labs and having responsibility to actually produce a working commodity scared the be-jesus out of them.

Shortly thereafter during the next early am mgr's meeting to figure out how to deal with this, I was bitch'in & moan'in about the PHD mandate when the VP came strolling thru on the way to his corner office, asked what we were up to and why the poor attitudes. As usual, I opened my mouth and told the truth (which is why most lawyers and upper mgt types don't like engineers to be included in the tough love discussions with customers or higher ups about what went wrong). I told him the PHD mandate was worthless, ie academics once again vs hands-on ability, as all they all wanted to do were "studies" and research vs actually producing something useful. He looked at me and said, "well, I have a PHD!" At which point I shut up instead of saying something like; "yup, I rest my case!"

It didn't really get any better - another story for another time.

 

[MarPar]

hahaha!!! thanks, Cranky, i needed a good laugh after banging knuckles today puttin' in my exhaust manifold!!!

how true!!!! lmao

 

[Cranky]

On the subject of modifying tools in house....it got to where we had to get approval on anything the machine shop modified from engineering and they turned down just about everything. For 35 years we had these homemade boxed end wrenches for use on our 3 horizontal mills and the Bullards for bolting down pump cases etc. They were two wrenches that had the open end cut off and then the boxed ends welded together for one nice longer wrench so we didn't have to exert ourselves when tightening up the set up. We ended up having to throw all of them away and buy store bought stuff which didn't work worth a damn because of the thickness of the boxes was too big. So, we had to make thicker shims for the pump bases to sit on. I'm glad I was able to retire when I did. Was getting pretty frustrated with all the new rules and PC crap.