How to change your oil

[MustangAndy]

How To Change Your Oil

Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
   
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
   
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Men:

1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
   
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
   
3. Open a beer and drink it.
   
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
   
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
   
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
   
7. Place drain pan under engine.
   
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
   
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
   
10. Unscrew drain plug.
    
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
    
12. Clean up.
    
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
    
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
    
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
    
16. Beer.
    
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
    
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
    
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
    
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
    
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
    
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
    
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
    
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
    
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
    
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
    
29. Begin cussing fit.
    
30. Throw wrench.
    
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December in the left boob.
    
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
    
33. Beer.
    
34. Beer.
    
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
    
36. Beer.
    
37. Lower car from jack stands.
    
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
    
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
    
40. Drive car.

 

[Finallygotmine]

Wow, there's a lot there. I was laughing at 2

 

[Satellite65]

Yeah. But at least men get the satisfaction of knowing that THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT!!!

 

[Mopars & Missiles]

How To Change Your Oil

Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
   
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
   
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Properly maintained? That's a joke.

First and ONLY time I ever took my car to Jiffy Lube, I was sitting in the car while they changed the oil (drive thru service) and saw them through the gap under the raised hood pouring the new oil into the engine WITH WATER in the oil. They didn't pay any attention to what they were doing, just poured it in. Assembly line process to them. I got out quick and pointed out to them that there was water in the oil. They checked and sure enough, the barrel that they got the oil from had been sitting outside with one of the bung plugs loose and the whole barrel had water in it.

NEVER have let anyone else change the oil in any of my cars since. I'll always do it myself from now on.

 

[Budnicks]

That's so true at times, for a couple of people I know...