Last Ed Story of 2025 - "The Experiment"

[moparedtn]

I read recently another essay on how society and peoples' relationships within it have changed with the advent of the internet age.
How we interact with family, make and deal with acquaintances, friends, potential mates, children, co-workers, that sort of thing
supposedly has totally changed with the advent of all the technology of the day, making it both easier and more difficult to stay
in touch with those we care about - and perhaps in some cases, shouldn't bother with?

This particular article suggested an "experiment" of sorts to demonstrate some of the conclusions it drew from the report...
This caught my eye, having been in the sort of limbo I've been in these last few months....so...
The basics:
It's been an eye-opening year of a kind for me on this particular subject, true. When my profession of 40+ years quit me before I had a
chance to retire properly from it (ok, my body actually failed first, but...), I have been sort of participating in this experiment without
meaning to anyways, so this fit right into me being "midstream" in it when I decided to follow it through.

So, The experiment (already in progress for me, since end of August remember):
Although I never went 100% "dark", I decided to go mostly "quiet" on any social contacts via text, emails, phone calls, etc. to all but a couple family members.
The "experiment" was intended to see who, out of all the hundreds of contacts/"friends" one accumulates over time actually are more than just a contact from your past - i.e., do they actually give enough of a damn to check in on you from time to time?

The idea is that you'd of course reply as normal to contacts from others - you just wouldn't generate any new ones yourself to send to anyone.
(Like I said, I'd already been participating in most of this concept for some months now, unwittingly...)

So...my results?
A few examples, starting with Facebook:
- A couple hundred "friends" on Facebook has yielded a half dozen actual friends, who've shown genuine concern about my well-being.
The rest on that "friends" list? Observing from afar, like most of us do I imagine...

My "contacts" list on my cell phone:
At one time, the hub of dozens of calls and texts daily as I played traffic cop with dozens of customers, flagged calls from "real world" friends and family and daily contact with Lisa.
322 Contacts I felt worthy of saving on the thing....
4 months after my untimely "demise", maybe 5 of those remain active - if that many.

The same approximate ratios can be found on a large online forum I frequent (and am considered a "regular contributor" to, at least I was before...).
Hell, anywhere I frequented online, same results....

So what's the conclusions that I derived from all this, correctly or otherwise?
1. Accept every interaction at face value, nothing more.
2. Expect that most people in this life only approach you when they want something and figure you can give it to them.
3. Very few people can think beyond their own self-serving emotions and interests - we don't raise them to be considerate
of others like we used to in society.
4. When you decide to offer aid, assistance, comfort to another - do so knowing full well the favor will, in all likelihood,
never be returned.
5. If you think you're important to your company, your acquaintances, whoever - you most likely will be all but forgotten
when you leave their midst, short of the occasional "wonder whatever happened to so-and-so" references in the future -
and the timeline for such will be much faster than you expect.

Literally, we all came into this life alone.
I have no evidence to the contrary that we won't leave it that way as well...

That's neither bitter or bittersweet.
It just is....
Consider me thoroughly humbled. I've been such a fool, in so many, many ways....

Y'all do better than me, ok?

 

[DeltaV]

Happiness stems from within, not attachment to people, places, or things.

Take care of yourself.

Libraries are filled with books by the great philosophers. Check some out and read them over the winter months.

 

[moparedtn]

Happiness stems from within, not attachment to people, places, or things.

Take care of yourself.

Libraries are filled with books by the great philosophers. Check some out and read them over the winter months.

The species is a social, not solitary, one by nature.
That said, in my case it wasn't a life spent "attached" to anything - if that is what you came away with, I've failed to convey clearly -
but more to the point the emphases, the prioritizations, being misplaced - frequently.
No good deed goes unpunished...

As someone in the third trimester of accelerated aging, I'm not of the mind to engage any more such readings;
one could argue I've squandered enough time on such to be honest.
If anything, I could do a better job on studying scripture - but close-up vision headaches limit much of that, too.

Instead, more productive time has been spent tying up loose ends, filling in gaps, exhausting any unfinished
leads and completing any open tasks - with the very few family I have left living, as well as the fewer still true
friends I've managed to retain in this life.

There's nothing new here, I'm well aware - folks retire from long careers spent going the extra mile every day,
after all - and most of them wind up in some measure feeling their experience and knowledge will as such be "wasted"
now that they're out of the loop. Nothing new there at all...
But still, I'd like to think I tried to avail something useful of my particular trip for others to glean a bit of wisdom from.
If not? Oh well.
The importance is always in the intent, after all.

 

[Dave6T4]

I retired 13 1/2 years ago. I am a pretty outgoing kind of guy, and had quite a few friends at work. After about the first 3 years of retirement, I hardly ever saw any of those people again. A few years ago, the plant closed altogether, and people had to find work in other places. After Covid, I found that my visiting habits changed drastically, as did others. Now, my good friends consist mainly of old car buddies, who visit each other regularily

 

[66 Sat]

You reap what you sow.

A better "experiment" might have been to send a friendly, upbeat personal message to your 322 contacts etc and then see who replied. I bet it would be way more than 5.

Sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring - it aint gonna happen. That's not reflecting badly on those people either, friendships are a two way street and if you're maintaining radio silence then one way of that street is automatically shut down.

People are busy and will naturally be communicating with those other folk who are "in front of them". They also won't gravitate towards someone who is showing signs of depression or self-pity. 4 months isn't much these days either, heck I don't hear from some friends for a year or more but then when we do get in touch, it's like we've never been away.

As has been been said above, happiness comes within. Fix that and the results will be pleasing.