Let's post some fun stuff here

[bm02tj]

>>
>> WHY OUR HEALTH CARE COSTS ARE SO HIGH!!!
>>
>> Bubba had shingles.
>> Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
>> Here's what happened to Bubba:
>>
>> Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
>>
>> Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
>> Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
>>
>> A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
>>
>> An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.
>>
>> Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
>> Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload
>> 'em??'
>>
>>
>> HOPE THIS MAKES YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD LIKE I DID... THAT'S WHY I HAD TO
>> SEND THIS TO YOU...THESE DAYS WE NEED ALL THE LAUGHS WE CAN GET!!

 

[bm02tj]

You have to follow
the recipe...
A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.
'Damn, Bob , you're hung!' Jim exclaims…'I wasn't always this impressive; I had to work for it.'
'What do you mean?' Jim asked.
'Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it
with butter. I know it sounds crazy but It actually made it grow 4 inches! You
should try it.
'Jim agrees and the two depart'
A few months later the two are back in the same locker room and Bob asks Jim
how his situation was.
Jim replied, 'I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller! I lost two inches already!'
'Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?'
'Well, we don't use butter, so I've been using Crisco.'
Crisco!!' Bob exclaimed.'
Damm it, Jim, Crisco is shortening!

MORAL OF THE STORY:
You gotta follow the recipe & men don't listen!

 

[polywideblock]

 

[Pops1967GTX]

I remember those days​

 

[Pops1967GTX]

 

[Photon440]

Had to watch that one twice to notice the air bag

 

[Pops1967GTX]

​

Not sure if anyone Posted about the AT&T Girl

​

 

[padam]

View attachment 1062851

Haha I just saw this, about an hour after I bought that movie at the thrift shop.

 

[Photon440]

I placed a call to Citibank: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you--The part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone.
Me: "I'm calling to tell you she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: (Stammer). "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure." (Fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."
Me: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."
Me: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Hwy 129, plot number 69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

 

[Photon440]

Bumper Stickers!

 

[Photon440]

"Vancouver Blizzard 2021"


Vancouver (Reuters)

Day 2 - Vancouver Blizzard 2021 - Revenge of the Commuters

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today,
as an additional ¼ centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing
the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of
damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is
some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are
being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite
near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes
before venturing out.

Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for
emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them
through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire
reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.

Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have
been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive,
although most have no idea how to use it.

Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast
implants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority
reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25
below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment
Co-op.
"The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I
didn't pay $940,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be
treated like someone from Toronto."

 

[Photon440]

Another use for gorilla glue:

 

[bm02tj]

Your city buses run rib tires and get stuck all over town
And they tell you leave your car at home

 

[bm02tj]

THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY


After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they

could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and

told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.


The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could

fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said

the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in

Alabama ) light it, put it in a beer can (COORS), then hold the can up to

your ear and count to 10.'


The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the

shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear

is going to help me.'


'Trust me,' said the doctor.


So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.


He held the can up to his ear and began to count!


'1'

'2'

'3'

'4'

'5'


At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued

counting on his other hand.


This procedure also works in Tennessee, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi,

parts of Georgia, Missouri, West Virginia .

 

[Triplegreen500]

Hey now....I grew up in the WV mountains, and I can count to 21 with my fly up...(I do have to take my shoes and socks off, though...)

 

[Photon440]

 

[polywideblock]

 

[polywideblock]

 

[Triplegreen500]

 

[Photon440]

1. The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
2. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
3. Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
4. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three
friends. If they're OK, you're it.
5. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad cheque.
6. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
7. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
8. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
9. COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where
you live.
10. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
11. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
12. Sky's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
13. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains.
14. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you
left them to where you can't find them.
15. Poker rules supplement: A .44 Magnum beats 4 aces.
16. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
17. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
18. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
19. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
20. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
21. He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
22. She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June flower.
23. You have the right to remain silent....Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.
24. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
25. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
26. Pardon my driving, I am reloading.
27. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
28. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
29. Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
30. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
31. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
32. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
33. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
34. Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.