Let's post some fun stuff here
- Thread starter Snowtrooper1966
- Start date
Slap Stick
Well-Known Member
No, she pulled her panties down. It's more like the dog with its head out the window.
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- Local time
- 3:30 PM
- Joined
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bm02tj
Well-Known Member
> * A bit of humor...
>
> How does an attorney sleep?
> First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
> *****************
> I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work
> ******************
> How do you make holy water?
> You boil the hell out of it
> *******************
> Will glass coffins be a success?
> Remains to be seen
> *******************
> What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
> One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
> ******************
> Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
> ******************
> Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve
> *******************
> I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any
> *******************
> What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
> A maybe
> *******************
> I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case
> *******************
> When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
> *******************
> A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils
> *******************
> She had a photographic memory but never developed it
> *******************
> Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?
> I don't know and don't really care
> ******************
> I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind
> *******************
> Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
> Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
> *******************
> My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve
> *******************
> The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize
> *******************
> I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
> *******************
> Need an ark? I Noah guy
> *******************
> I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure
> *******************
> Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed
> *******************
> What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine
> ******************
> What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
> A Thesaurus
>
> How does an attorney sleep?
> First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
> *****************
> I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work
> ******************
> How do you make holy water?
> You boil the hell out of it
> *******************
> Will glass coffins be a success?
> Remains to be seen
> *******************
> What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
> One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
> ******************
> Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
> ******************
> Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve
> *******************
> I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any
> *******************
> What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
> A maybe
> *******************
> I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case
> *******************
> When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
> *******************
> A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils
> *******************
> She had a photographic memory but never developed it
> *******************
> Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?
> I don't know and don't really care
> ******************
> I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind
> *******************
> Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
> Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
> *******************
> My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve
> *******************
> The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize
> *******************
> I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
> *******************
> Need an ark? I Noah guy
> *******************
> I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure
> *******************
> Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed
> *******************
> What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine
> ******************
> What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
> A Thesaurus
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Photon440
Well-Known Member
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Claimed to be the worlds smelliest, most foul food.
Almost like Monty Python meets Jackass!
- Local time
- 3:30 PM
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- Oct 25, 2010
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67charger383
Well-Known Member
- Local time
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- Joined
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bm02tj
Well-Known Member
Subject: SUNDAY'S BEST
A cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.
She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away.
She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store.
The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches."
The judge then asked why she had done it.
She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store."
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.
She replied in a nasty tone, "Five! But why do you care about that?"
The judge answered patiently, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you five days in jail -- one day for each peach."
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.
The judge said, "Yes sir, what do you have to add?"
The husband said meekly, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas."
A cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.
She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away.
She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store.
The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches."
The judge then asked why she had done it.
She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store."
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.
She replied in a nasty tone, "Five! But why do you care about that?"
The judge answered patiently, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you five days in jail -- one day for each peach."
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.
The judge said, "Yes sir, what do you have to add?"
The husband said meekly, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas."
bm02tj
Well-Known Member
Sensitivity at this difficult time.
I appreciate that at the moment we can only exercise by walking. But this is a tale about walking on the grass.
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The Instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial - it strengthens the pelvic muscles
and will make delivery that much easier.
Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on soft
surfaces, like a grass path.
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you
to go walking with her.
In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this
information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of
the room, slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag?
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
(THIS LEVEL OF SENSITIVITY CAN'T BE TAUGHT)
I appreciate that at the moment we can only exercise by walking. But this is a tale about walking on the grass.
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The Instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial - it strengthens the pelvic muscles
and will make delivery that much easier.
Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on soft
surfaces, like a grass path.
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you
to go walking with her.
In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this
information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of
the room, slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag?
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
(THIS LEVEL OF SENSITIVITY CAN'T BE TAUGHT)
bm02tj
Well-Known Member
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, from Toronto, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom, from Montreal, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce from BC: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, from Newfoundland, Carol, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and get dinner."
To the first mother, from Toronto, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom, from Montreal, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce from BC: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, from Newfoundland, Carol, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and get dinner."
bm02tj
Well-Known Member
It all depends on whose pants they are...?
Mike was going to be married to Jane, so his father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite,
I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on!'
She did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.
I replied, 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will. Ever since that night we have never had any problems.'
''Hmmm,' said Mike.
He thought that might be good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Jane, 'Here try these on.'
She tried them on and said, 'These are too large, they don't fit me.'
Mike said, 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family, and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.'
Then Jane took off her pants, and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine.'
He did and said, 'I can't get into your pants.'
Jane said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-*** attitude, you never will.'
And they lived happily ever after!
Mike was going to be married to Jane, so his father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite,
I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on!'
She did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.
I replied, 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will. Ever since that night we have never had any problems.'
''Hmmm,' said Mike.
He thought that might be good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Jane, 'Here try these on.'
She tried them on and said, 'These are too large, they don't fit me.'
Mike said, 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family, and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.'
Then Jane took off her pants, and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine.'
He did and said, 'I can't get into your pants.'
Jane said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-*** attitude, you never will.'
And they lived happily ever after!
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