Drunk husband....

[Cranky]

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husbands temper and
threatening manner.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me around."
The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is asleep."Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me! How does the water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick...."

 

[howiedodat]

WOW !! Since we seem to have crossed a line somewhere.......What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes ? Nothing, you told her twice already.

 

[17WithaCoronetRT]

howiedodat hahahaha i tell my friends that joke all the time, and this was a great one!

 

[Ron 73]

LOL, Thats great...Thanks!

 

[howiedodat]

I'm sure trouble awaits me, but............... What does a wife do when she gets home from the womens shelter ? The dishes, if she knows whats good for her.

 

[74sundance]

My girlfriend of 11 years say's this joke is very true :icon_winkle:

Why are women like floor tiles?
Because if you lay them rite the first time you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

And to be fair to the ladies:

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

It means you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

 

[Cranky]

Oh geez LOL

 

[scotts74birds]

There is a certain amount of truth to this. I once got in the middle of a guy beating his ole lady, When I did, they BOTH ganged up on me! "yes, the old man can beat me, but nobody can beat on him!!!" You cant save people from themselves!

 

[Finallygotmine]

There is a certain amount of truth to this. I once got in the middle of a guy beating his ole lady, When I did, they BOTH ganged up on me! "yes, the old man can beat me, but nobody can beat on him!!!" You cant save people from themselves!

I've been to that neighborhood.

 

[Finallygotmine]

That's a great joke Cranky. Course, I don't have any one here to say otherwise. LOL

 

[Cranky]

There is a certain amount of truth to this. I once got in the middle of a guy beating his ole lady, When I did, they BOTH ganged up on me! "yes, the old man can beat me, but nobody can beat on him!!!" You cant save people from themselves!

My oldest daughter is married to an asshole like that...been in and out of jail many times and she even filed charges on him finally and has left him more than a couple of times and he's almost succeeded in killing her once. Guess what, she just had a new baby by him. Her oldest kid is 17 and now this one. We quit trying to help her years ago. She used to come asking for help whenever he had her in debt and left but it turned out to be a ruse. Whenever she got back on her feet, he'd come back and they'd party again until she was down and out again....

 

[cam383]

My girlfriend of 11 years say's this joke is very true :icon_winkle:

Why are women like floor tiles?

Her is one for

Why do women have small feet?

So they can stand closer to the stove

 

[Satellite65]

Since we're going there................

Why do women get their periods?

Because they deserve them.

 

[74sundance]

My girlfriend of 11 years say's this joke is very true :icon_winkle:

Why are women like floor tiles?

Her is one for

Why do women have small feet?

So they can stand closer to the stove

HA HA that makes sense, my girlfriend has very small feet and cooks and Bakes all the time

I bought her a vacuum a while back but she told me it didn't work so she and I took it back.She told the guy at the counter that it wouldn't pick up any dirt but he decided to test it out for him self any way.He plugged it in and turned it on and my girlfriend jumped and said whats that noise.

 

[Cranky]

HA HA that makes sense, my girlfriend has very small feet and cooks and Bakes all the time

I bought her a vacuum a while back but she told me it didn't work so she and I took it back.She told the guy at the counter that it wouldn't pick up any dirt but he decided to test it out for him self any way.He plugged it in and turned it on and my girlfriend jumped and said whats that noise.

That's funny!!

 

[shag766]

My oldest daughter is married to an asshole like that...been in and out of jail many times and she even filed charges on him finally and has left him more than a couple of times and he's almost succeeded in killing her once. Guess what, she just had a new baby by him. Her oldest kid is 17 and now this one. We quit trying to help her years ago. She used to come asking for help whenever he had her in debt and left but it turned out to be a ruse. Whenever she got back on her feet, he'd come back and they'd party again until she was down and out again....

i have a niece in the same boat, not far from you, only it was crack. i flew in and collected a few favors and was real close to spending many years down there in lock-up.

 

[GTX]

my wife thinks you joke tellers should be shot

 

[Cranky]

A lot of meth was involved in my daughter's life.....enough to give her 'meth mouth' not to mention how many times the ahole beat on her. I thought about taking care of matters too but thought if that's the life she wants, she's got it.

 

[Cranky]

my wife thinks you joke tellers should be shot

I think people without a sense of humor should be horse whipped with a small horse :toothy10:

 

[Budnicks]

My oldest daughter is married to an asshole like that...been in and out of jail many times and she even filed charges on him finally and has left him more than a couple of times and he's almost succeeded in killing her once. Guess what, she just had a new baby by him. Her oldest kid is 17 and now this one. We quit trying to help her years ago. She used to come asking for help whenever he had her in debt and left but it turned out to be a ruse. Whenever she got back on her feet, he'd come back and they'd party again until she was down and out again....

I have 5 sisters & 2 of them have had abusive spouses I intervened a couple of times, I was the 1 that got in trouble because I'm 6'2" 250 & beat on a 5'8" 150 guy that beat on a 5'4" 110 girl, go figure... Heck they keep getting back together,:iamwithstupid: what can you do?