COLONOSCOPY. Old but relevant

[bm02tj]

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his (Predominately male) patients while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet?! Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in; you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an IRS auditor, didn't you?"

12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

 

[kiwigtx]

Or as I said to my Dr when she was giving me my first prostate rodeo a few years ago....."Can you take your watch off please?"

We laughed afterwards....

 

[moparedtn]

(from the movie "Fletch")
"Mooooon River. *whew* Got your whole fist up there, doc?"

 

[khryslerkid]

When I had my first exam my Dr dropped a box of Kleenex in front of me when he was done. I didn't know if they were for my *** or my tears!

 

[69Bee]

I have always been out for mine, but I did tell them that I if I saw any videos on the internet, I want royalties...

 

[khryslerkid]

I think the title should have been "Prostate Exam". A Colonoscopy would require anesthesia. But I did have a prostate biopsy and that was done while you're wide awake, not even a local and that was awful!

 

[chtampa]

After I bent over my Urologist asked me if I was going to want a second opinion. When I asked why he said "Well, I would use two fingers instead of one".

 

[khryslerkid]

After I bent over my Urologist asked me if I was going to want a second opinion. When I asked why he said "Well, I would use two fingers instead of one".

You only have to be afraid if he has both of his hands on your shoulders!

 

[chtampa]

You only have to be afraid if he has both of his hands on your shoulders!

Or when he leaves and the nurse walks in and asks you "Who was that?"

 

[khryslerkid]

Or when he leaves and the nurse walks in and asks you "Who was that?"

 

[bm02tj]

Or where do I hang my pants
Beside mine

 

[BeeKool]

I haven't had a camera up there yet.
I had to get checked for bladder cancer two years ago. That involves shoving a Camera the same diameter as your thumb up your dick all the way to your bladder.
A Colonoscopy can't be any worse than that.
Pain aside, I was busy thanking God that I was cancer free when the procedure ended.

 

[conv67bdere]

I think the title should have been "Prostate Exam". A Colonoscopy would require anesthesia. But I did have a prostate biopsy and that was done while you're wide awake, not even a local and that was awful!

Actually a Colonoscopy does not "require" that you have a sedative - you are not put under anesthesia . . .

 

[moparedtn]

I remember my first colonoscopy, back 30 years ago. They actually did an upper and a lower; I woke up about halfway
through the lower.
Doc looks down and says "hey, you're not supposed to be awake."
I did my best to say "no ****, doc" through the tubes shoved down my throat.
He asked if I was ok or did I want to go back under. I shrugged that I was fine - and then proceeded to watch the rest
of the procedure on the monitors hanging up by the ceiling in the room.
It was like watching something off Discovery.

 

[khryslerkid]

Actually a Colonoscopy does not "require" that you have a sedative - you are not put under anesthesia . . .

It's a choice. Some can do a sedative some want anesthesia. What type of insurance you have will be a factor also. Or you can choose not to have anything if your doctor will go along with it.

 

[Ranger16]

When I was still working I got a company physical every year..............from a female physicians assistant.
One time when she told me to drop 'em and bend over, I said "damn I hate this". Her response was, "it doesn't bother me at all". I said, "good, then YOU bend over this table". I later told her that I bet she brags to her friends how she can lift a 200 lb man off his feet with one finger.

Back then they didn't report sexual harassment................ they rated it. I always got high scores.
P.S. She had a great sense of humor.
Some day I'll tell you the drug test story.

 

[69Coronetrt]

Actually a Colonoscopy does not "require" that you have a sedative - you are not put under anesthesia . . .

Oh yes it does. It’s best for EVERYONE that I’m not awake and aware of what’s happening. It goes MUCH quicker and quieter.

 

[moparedtn]

Oh yes it does. It’s best for EVERYONE that I’m not awake and aware of what’s happening. It goes MUCH quicker and quieter.

I've had several over the decades (irreparable ulcers). They've ALWAYS put me under when doing either upper or lower GI's.

 

[DeltaV]

Kern Dog,
We all know that you have been procrastinating on having your colonoscopy. Stop this nonsense. It is time for you to have one. You can thank us later.
DeltaV

 

[GetX'd]

I just had my 5th one last week. A couple were related to issues I was having and several just periodic ones. This was the first time I had what they call conscious sedation. I was fully awake and watched on the tv screen as they meandered around the place. Didn’t hurt at all - could just feel a bit of pressure. Now as another follow thru I have to do the same prep work and this time swallow a “pill camera” that wanders around your upper GI track or small colon. They do that as a more definitive look in areas where they can’t reach with a scope. It’s pretty cool technology in that the pill camera takes pictures all around your colon and sends them to a small computer you wear around your waist. Then the doc will read them later and give you “good news” I hope. So far the biopsies have been benign. Hope it’s the same in the upper. I also hope the camera comes out the other end when it’s supposed to. Otherwise it has to be surgically removed. Pray that doesn’t happen. These tests - or at least the colonoscopy is a must for EVERYONE and should be repeated every 5 years. Some say 10 but my doc says 5 and the heck if I’m going to wait 10 years to find out if I have colon cancer or not. Have had several friends that have declined over the years and had colon cancer. They’re both still alive but one is wearing a bag and doesn’t have an anus any longer...... yeah you heard me right.