Do you dread family gatherings?
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I try to host the family here for birthdays, Summer bar b ques and Christmas.
I must have been going through a darker period in 2017 when I first started this topic because I do enjoy the get-togethers nowadays.
I must have been going through a darker period in 2017 when I first started this topic because I do enjoy the get-togethers nowadays.
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We get older and it starts meaning more!
That said I tired quickly some 35/40 years ago, expected to be both at my parents and Wife's parents on Christmas day. Hell they were only 6 hours apart and us 1.5 hours from the first one, but my old '77 Ramcharger locked up in 4 HI got us there. LOL I don't miss that at all! Wife's parents are still with us, but her Dad is in Florida all Winter and her Mom I threw out of the house in '89... so life is good! LOL
That said I tired quickly some 35/40 years ago, expected to be both at my parents and Wife's parents on Christmas day. Hell they were only 6 hours apart and us 1.5 hours from the first one, but my old '77 Ramcharger locked up in 4 HI got us there. LOL I don't miss that at all! Wife's parents are still with us, but her Dad is in Florida all Winter and her Mom I threw out of the house in '89... so life is good! LOL
Post the unedited picture in the appropriate forum. Please.
Our holiday routine has changed in the past couple years. My MIL passed away 2 years ago, and we always spent Christmas Eve at her house. The kids loved it, and the food and company was good. Christmas is spent at my Moms house, and I cook a prime rib, football and left/right/center was always played after dinner. This year and from now on will be a tough one on the holidays with Nellas passing away. My Mom is not doing well with that, and my wife is still completely devastated. Nella loved Christmas, now with her gone, I just don’t know how we’re going to get through the holidays. I’m going to put ketchup on my Turkey this year in memory of her, she hated gravy, but loved ketchup, even on her Turkey. We’re just going to do our best to get through this year.
With our parents gone, my wife has assumed the role of patriarch of the family. She has two sisters and two brothers, and we are close with the nieces and nephews. We’ll have 21 here for Thanksgiving, and tho it’s very crowded in our small house, we all look forward to it. Same numbers on Christmas Eve.
Triplegreen500
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We lost Dad in '16. Moms 88 now and still ornery as ever, she'll probably see 108! She's in FL , I'm in MD. She's got a bf who's a mooch. Lazy mf. Comes to the kitchen in the morning and sits his *** at the table...and waits. For his coffee. For his bagel/muffin. For his meds. For his juice. I get on the mountain bike for a few miles when he mouths off to her, just so I don't drag him into the middle of the road and beat him to death.
It's just me and her. I'm an only child. Got lots of extended fam on her side (her late brothers kids) also in FL, but mom and I are kinda outside their close orbit. I'm close with a couple cousins, but there's 6 cousins and about 98 cousin-kids (grand cousins?) who also have a metric **** ton of kids....and we really aren't that close. Not animosity, just...distance, and differences (career, politics, etc).
I don't have kids. Michelle has 2. Son, married and in NC. Daughter, getting ready to graduate college in TX. Her folks are long gone. One of her brothers just (like, Friday) passed; she has another brother and a sister but similarly...just distant. Not a dislike, just..logistics.
Michelle and I visit my mom annually for "a" holiday, either turkey day or Christmas. Mom won't travel anymore. We have a good time, and we value the time, but the logistics and the distance (and the asshat boyfriend - who mom knows I don't like at all) all conspire to keep it to an annual visit instead of monthly, or semiannually... but, with the passing of Freddy this week and some job changes on my end (3 months working in Miami), things may change in the coming year. I know I'll be visiting Mom more often while I'm down south.
My family was never huge on holidays. Dad was first gen American/German, and very not big on feelings. Mom liked the idea, but never really went nuts with stuff (food, decorations, etc). It was just.... Thursday, or an extra mass. Michelle's used to be, but again - logistics. And, much as she loves cooking and decorating, it's not really worth it for....me. Kids are distant, parents gone, sibs are distant....and cooking for 2 sucks almost as much as cooking for one.
So, we don't really "dread" holidays...they're just logistically challenging due to distances. Mom and I are 100% on the same page politically, and we don't give a **** if anyone disagrees with us, so that part at least is always fun! Even moms bf is learning to keep his trap shut around me about things...I just remind him whose house he lives in, and he all of a sudden "is ready for bed". Mom gets it, but she's a caretaker personality (former nurse/PT) and it's just her default so I let it slide (and have access to all her accounts to keep an eye on things).
It's just me and her. I'm an only child. Got lots of extended fam on her side (her late brothers kids) also in FL, but mom and I are kinda outside their close orbit. I'm close with a couple cousins, but there's 6 cousins and about 98 cousin-kids (grand cousins?) who also have a metric **** ton of kids....and we really aren't that close. Not animosity, just...distance, and differences (career, politics, etc).
I don't have kids. Michelle has 2. Son, married and in NC. Daughter, getting ready to graduate college in TX. Her folks are long gone. One of her brothers just (like, Friday) passed; she has another brother and a sister but similarly...just distant. Not a dislike, just..logistics.
Michelle and I visit my mom annually for "a" holiday, either turkey day or Christmas. Mom won't travel anymore. We have a good time, and we value the time, but the logistics and the distance (and the asshat boyfriend - who mom knows I don't like at all) all conspire to keep it to an annual visit instead of monthly, or semiannually... but, with the passing of Freddy this week and some job changes on my end (3 months working in Miami), things may change in the coming year. I know I'll be visiting Mom more often while I'm down south.
My family was never huge on holidays. Dad was first gen American/German, and very not big on feelings. Mom liked the idea, but never really went nuts with stuff (food, decorations, etc). It was just.... Thursday, or an extra mass. Michelle's used to be, but again - logistics. And, much as she loves cooking and decorating, it's not really worth it for....me. Kids are distant, parents gone, sibs are distant....and cooking for 2 sucks almost as much as cooking for one.
So, we don't really "dread" holidays...they're just logistically challenging due to distances. Mom and I are 100% on the same page politically, and we don't give a **** if anyone disagrees with us, so that part at least is always fun! Even moms bf is learning to keep his trap shut around me about things...I just remind him whose house he lives in, and he all of a sudden "is ready for bed". Mom gets it, but she's a caretaker personality (former nurse/PT) and it's just her default so I let it slide (and have access to all her accounts to keep an eye on things).
We’re currently on a 10 day cruise to the Bahamas, coming back on the 23rd, so we celebrated turkey day two Saturdays ago. Worked out better for us because everyone was able to make it and no after-trip stress for my wife. Just docked in St. Maarten.
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We moved 1200 miles away from the "family hub" 38 yrs ago for my job and, for the most part, are the ones who have to travel if we want to be with family at the holidays. We used to love spending time with everyone and miss it, but really hate traveling during the holidays. My mother's family is Sicilian so the get-togethers were large and loud with lots of extended family. That lasted until my grandparents and their generation passed and then each of the family groups started doing their own thing.
We never traveled home at Thanksgiving so we started our own Friendsgiving - mostly friends from the Mopar club. Everyone used to come to our house for turkey on Thursday then we'd caravan up to Daytona Beach for the Turkey Rod Run at the speedway. That group splintered as folks moved away so we started heading to Daytona and day earlier and meeting up with a much smaller group there.
With no children of our own, Christmas is a whole different thing. It feels weird when it's just the wife and I and the dog. Hardly feels like a holiday. We had a friend group that would get together and that helped, but the "glue" in that group passed in 2019 and we've all gone our separate ways since. Family always wants us to come up but air travel is such a hassle that time of year and I can't usually take enough time off work to fly on "off days" away from the holiday. We used to drive but that takes 2 days coming and going. Don't think I could do the marathon straight thru drive anymore and that still left me wiped the next day so it really wasn't better than taking 2 days other than saving the hotel cost. Might start doing that again when I retire and schedule isn’t a issue anymore.
The one thing I never liked about having both our families in the same area was having to split time and drive all over to see everyone. Over the years, they've spread even farther apart which makes me want to do that even less though I do miss the gatherings.
We never traveled home at Thanksgiving so we started our own Friendsgiving - mostly friends from the Mopar club. Everyone used to come to our house for turkey on Thursday then we'd caravan up to Daytona Beach for the Turkey Rod Run at the speedway. That group splintered as folks moved away so we started heading to Daytona and day earlier and meeting up with a much smaller group there.
With no children of our own, Christmas is a whole different thing. It feels weird when it's just the wife and I and the dog. Hardly feels like a holiday. We had a friend group that would get together and that helped, but the "glue" in that group passed in 2019 and we've all gone our separate ways since. Family always wants us to come up but air travel is such a hassle that time of year and I can't usually take enough time off work to fly on "off days" away from the holiday. We used to drive but that takes 2 days coming and going. Don't think I could do the marathon straight thru drive anymore and that still left me wiped the next day so it really wasn't better than taking 2 days other than saving the hotel cost. Might start doing that again when I retire and schedule isn’t a issue anymore.
The one thing I never liked about having both our families in the same area was having to split time and drive all over to see everyone. Over the years, they've spread even farther apart which makes me want to do that even less though I do miss the gatherings.
Moms68
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I am also an only child and both my parents passed years ago. My wife has a large family, 4 sisters and 2 brothers. We have 3 sons, and 2 grandsons. Numerous nieces and nephews, and my son’s in-laws. We always host Thanksgiving. This year almost everyone will be here, relatives who live in Switzerland, and a nephew that sails the world 9 months of the year. Probably about 25 people.
It’s a fun group, mostly a younger crowd now and we enjoy it. My wife goes into crazy cleaning mode for a good month prior which gets a bit too much but overall it’s a good time, a little stressful prepping and cooking for a large group.
It’s a fun group, mostly a younger crowd now and we enjoy it. My wife goes into crazy cleaning mode for a good month prior which gets a bit too much but overall it’s a good time, a little stressful prepping and cooking for a large group.
I did at the time, but now my folks are gone, so is my younger brother. Sis moved to Tennessee and our kids alternate years with their significant others families. The family gatherings I once dreaded have somehow become fond memories…
jimkf
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Mom, dad and my two sisters, as well as all of the aunts and uncles, are gone now and my brother lives on the other side of the continent and can't travel due to health issues so holidays around here are now with the Brady Bunch family my wife and I have assembled. The kids are great and we enjoy the time with them but it isn't the same as the gatherings years ago. The laughs, beers, cigarette smoke and card games meant late nights at our house - we had the largest so we usually hosted.
I'd give anything for one more just like that.
I'd give anything for one more just like that.
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Just my wife and me and her daughter who is disabled. She still gets around pretty good thou....Going to do a roast for Thankgiving.
My wife likes ketchup too and taught me what else is good with it lol
Had a brother in law that was a mooch.....but he's part of the family that divorced me in 17. Well, I let him know well before 17 that he wasn't welcome in my home. And I like your style. I put up with a lot of crap with my X but I guess she got tired of my not putting up with it anymore starting around 15. She thinks she hurt me by taking pretty much nothing but the money but the joke's on her.
Nutso
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We have a small family but it is always fun to get together, along with some widowed neighbors. The holidays aren’t like when I was a kid, but we have good food, good music, interesting conversation, and try to stay off politics for the reasons outlined above. My neighbors have become like family over the years.
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With no children of our own, the holidays have never held great significance for the Wife and me. Our celebrations have revolved around my brother and his children and Sara's sister and her children. Thanksgiving has been with my brother's oldest daughter for the last few years, with all 4 of Bro's kids, spouses, and their kids. Good times! This year, Sara's sister's oldest son (our nephew) has invited us to his home as well. I've never even been there and am looking forward to joining them. Setting his oldest son up with a car this year may have influenced that. Of course our invite came with a request for my signature 'Goody Potatoes' (Grandma's cheesy potato recipe). Happy to oblige!
For the last decade plus, we stick with our tradition of Skipping Christmas ala John Grisham. We book a trip to Vegas over that holiday and avoid the stress/hustle/obligation of coming up with 'meaningful' gifts for family members and vice versa. We don't even buy each other gifts. The trip is our 'gift' to each other. We used to spend new year there with 300,000 of our closest friends, but as we're in our 60's that has lost its allure and we return home a couple days prior.
Life is Good!
For the last decade plus, we stick with our tradition of Skipping Christmas ala John Grisham. We book a trip to Vegas over that holiday and avoid the stress/hustle/obligation of coming up with 'meaningful' gifts for family members and vice versa. We don't even buy each other gifts. The trip is our 'gift' to each other. We used to spend new year there with 300,000 of our closest friends, but as we're in our 60's that has lost its allure and we return home a couple days prior.
Life is Good!
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YY1
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I am an only.
When we moved, we left my grandmother and uncle, whom we used to spend holidays with.
They are both now deceased.
In Florida, we are in proximity to my mom's sister and her extended family.
I've always been the black sheep (as was my uncle, so we had that in common), and even more so around my aunt and her two kids that each have a VERY large family and extended families.
I'm a guitar player and casual motor sports guy as well as old car guy, they are all "ball" sports people, some of them rabid.
90% of the talk is about their extended family.
I don't even know some of their names. It's too much to keep track of, especially for not my immediate family.
My aunt was always a "you have to do this, and you have to do that" kind of person, according to what she thought you had to do.
Excuse me. No, no I don't.
So for that period, it was dreadful.
She and her husband are also now deceased and I don't even really have contact with that crowd anymore.
Mom still hangs around with her sisters group and thinks I remember everyone's kids, wife's brother's name, where they are, and what they do.
We only have my wife's son, his wife, and their two kids, plus my mother and our boy's wife's mother and step father.
Her mother is almost intolerable. She has to win everything and has to be right. I can't figure out how her daughter dodged that gene.
I think our boy just DGAF and is waiting to see if she notices.
Barring her, time with "the kids" is much less dreadful.
When we moved, we left my grandmother and uncle, whom we used to spend holidays with.
They are both now deceased.
In Florida, we are in proximity to my mom's sister and her extended family.
I've always been the black sheep (as was my uncle, so we had that in common), and even more so around my aunt and her two kids that each have a VERY large family and extended families.
I'm a guitar player and casual motor sports guy as well as old car guy, they are all "ball" sports people, some of them rabid.
90% of the talk is about their extended family.
I don't even know some of their names. It's too much to keep track of, especially for not my immediate family.
My aunt was always a "you have to do this, and you have to do that" kind of person, according to what she thought you had to do.
Excuse me. No, no I don't.
So for that period, it was dreadful.
She and her husband are also now deceased and I don't even really have contact with that crowd anymore.
Mom still hangs around with her sisters group and thinks I remember everyone's kids, wife's brother's name, where they are, and what they do.
We only have my wife's son, his wife, and their two kids, plus my mother and our boy's wife's mother and step father.
Her mother is almost intolerable. She has to win everything and has to be right. I can't figure out how her daughter dodged that gene.
I think our boy just DGAF and is waiting to see if she notices.
Barring her, time with "the kids" is much less dreadful.
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ZR9B
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Things have changed since I posted on this in 2017. My daughter went to the UP of Michigan to go to school in Marquete, She gradated last fall and before she was out of school she landed a job in the UP ( rapid river) making enough to buy her first house at the age of 21....April 1 of 23 My wife lost her battle with cancer, we were together 34 years ...so that stung like a bitch! ... last year was pretty much myself and my son...My daughter did meet up at the cabin in northren MI for Christmas.
This year Im taking a week off and going to the UP to have thanksgiving with my daughter , son and her fiancée (I don't like that word) ...he is a great gut though. I will go back to putting up Christmas lights this year and I'm hopping for the best.
This year Im taking a week off and going to the UP to have thanksgiving with my daughter , son and her fiancée (I don't like that word) ...he is a great gut though. I will go back to putting up Christmas lights this year and I'm hopping for the best.
This year the holidays are going to be different here, it will be at our daughter's place. All 4 of my kids live locally so it's not a problem in that respect. The real difference is we are in the middle of downsizing and purchasing a smaller home. We no longer have the need for a 4 bedroom 2 story colonial and 5 acres. The really bad feature of the new home is it doesn't have a shop at all, so a new shop is also in the plans.
My Mom passed 12 years ago along with a lot of Aunts and Uncles since then. My father at 93 has just been moved to a care home with dementia and is deteriorating rapidly. So gone are all the large extended family gatherings, as our house seemed to be the hub. The daughter's place will become the new hub - she just doesn't know it yet.
Time goes on.
My Mom passed 12 years ago along with a lot of Aunts and Uncles since then. My father at 93 has just been moved to a care home with dementia and is deteriorating rapidly. So gone are all the large extended family gatherings, as our house seemed to be the hub. The daughter's place will become the new hub - she just doesn't know it yet.
Time goes on.
XS22J8R
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I’m from a small family. My dad was an only child and my mom was from a different state, and had one sibling, so I have 2 cousins, they’re all out of state and I only see them rarely.
I have a sister, and we were never close, but we tolerated each other, until she snapped.
I never ended up having a family of my own.
I enjoyed family gatherings when I was young, both locally with my parents and my sister, and brother in law after she got married, and when we traveled to Ohio to see my relatives there.
My brother in law is from a big successful family, and I came to dread holidays here as years went by, due to not fitting in. His parents were great, but then you add his brothers and sisters, their spouses and then kids, it got loud and crowded, and I’d get lost in the mob.
It didn’t help that my brother in laws siblings all were sort of arrogant elites and my sister got more and more woke and negative towards me as time passed, both since I didn’t have a 5000 sq ft luxury house to host elegant gatherings, a prestigious job title, and because I don’t vote like her and her inlaws.
Tragically, one of her daughters got cancer, and after a 4 year battle, died in 2012 at 18. My sister became an almost unfunctional basket case for several years after, in her grief.
She finally started to get better, but was drinking a lot, and started to become sort of bipolar, several times suddenly blowing up in rage against me for no real reason when I was over at their place.
I became increasingly uncomfortable being there not knowing when she’d fly into one of her rages at me.
In ‘16 she was really getting worked up about the upcoming elections, and one day at dinner started ranting about politics, went postal on me and physically threw me out of their house screaming a flurry of F bombs at me, right in front of my then 80 year old mom. We haven’t spoken since.
My mom was heartbroken but isn’t assertive, so she hoped we’d make up someday, I made it clear that without family counseling to understand my sisters hate for me, that wouldn’t happen. She thought that a good idea but would never make it happen.
I was actually pleased to be relieved from not having to deal with being the black sheep at big holiday gatherings anymore.
In fact, on that first thanksgiving I was excluded, I went out that evening to a Black Friday sale at a sportings goods store and stocked up on bargain ammo at the early bird Black Friday special they had, that I wouldn’t be able to go to if I was tied up at her big dinner. And I thought it hilarious thinking how upset her and her lefty in laws would be if they knew I was now free to buy something they thought evil!
My mom has been in assisted living and I go there to join her for holiday buffets they have. My sister moved out of state a few years ago, and would sometimes have my mom and her mother in law who lives here, out there. It made it complicated for them trying to figure out how to get the 2 elderly mothers out there. I feel so fortunate to have been shunned by them, thus relieved of having to chauffeur them out and be tied up out there for days!
I have a sister, and we were never close, but we tolerated each other, until she snapped.
I never ended up having a family of my own.
I enjoyed family gatherings when I was young, both locally with my parents and my sister, and brother in law after she got married, and when we traveled to Ohio to see my relatives there.
My brother in law is from a big successful family, and I came to dread holidays here as years went by, due to not fitting in. His parents were great, but then you add his brothers and sisters, their spouses and then kids, it got loud and crowded, and I’d get lost in the mob.
It didn’t help that my brother in laws siblings all were sort of arrogant elites and my sister got more and more woke and negative towards me as time passed, both since I didn’t have a 5000 sq ft luxury house to host elegant gatherings, a prestigious job title, and because I don’t vote like her and her inlaws.
Tragically, one of her daughters got cancer, and after a 4 year battle, died in 2012 at 18. My sister became an almost unfunctional basket case for several years after, in her grief.
She finally started to get better, but was drinking a lot, and started to become sort of bipolar, several times suddenly blowing up in rage against me for no real reason when I was over at their place.
I became increasingly uncomfortable being there not knowing when she’d fly into one of her rages at me.
In ‘16 she was really getting worked up about the upcoming elections, and one day at dinner started ranting about politics, went postal on me and physically threw me out of their house screaming a flurry of F bombs at me, right in front of my then 80 year old mom. We haven’t spoken since.
My mom was heartbroken but isn’t assertive, so she hoped we’d make up someday, I made it clear that without family counseling to understand my sisters hate for me, that wouldn’t happen. She thought that a good idea but would never make it happen.
I was actually pleased to be relieved from not having to deal with being the black sheep at big holiday gatherings anymore.
In fact, on that first thanksgiving I was excluded, I went out that evening to a Black Friday sale at a sportings goods store and stocked up on bargain ammo at the early bird Black Friday special they had, that I wouldn’t be able to go to if I was tied up at her big dinner. And I thought it hilarious thinking how upset her and her lefty in laws would be if they knew I was now free to buy something they thought evil!
My mom has been in assisted living and I go there to join her for holiday buffets they have. My sister moved out of state a few years ago, and would sometimes have my mom and her mother in law who lives here, out there. It made it complicated for them trying to figure out how to get the 2 elderly mothers out there. I feel so fortunate to have been shunned by them, thus relieved of having to chauffeur them out and be tied up out there for days!
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