Ed Story Time - Possibly the last one? - Parts 1 and 2

[moparedtn]

As always, first comes the disclaimer:
(Gentlemen: As always, I remind potential viewers that I write these as a form of self-therapy more than anything else.
I don't expect anyone else to find any of them particularly interesting or compelling - and that's especially true this time,
as it's not one of my more uplifting or humorous entries - so please, don't feel obligated to read further unless you want to.
I am forever grateful for folks' support of past entries all the same.)

Now - first:
I've waited for a while to write this one, as it could easily come off as a pity party thing if I didn't first work through some
recent events - and trust me, this ain't that. Been there, over it...
The only reason for me writing this now, other than the aforementioned therapeutic efforts, is to try to explain where I've
"been" lately - not only much less active in this forum than in recent years, but trust me - also MUCH less active in life in
general.
You see, some **** went down towards the end of August...it got weird, man....
I'll try to break it down into two main parts:

First, as some will suspect, involved health. As I've been so very, very blessed to have made it 2 and a half years past my
expected lifespan post-cancer hells, there nonetheless has also been the repeated warnings of something called accelerated
aging - basically, I'm getting older, faster than "normal" (whatever that is) due to the complications of numerous cancers,
organs removed, etc. blah blah.
Again, VERY blessed to not have experienced much of that until the last six months or so - when it came on strong and fast.
There was no mistaking it when it finally arrived, full force - both physically and mentally, I started getting my *** kicked
seemingly merely for existing.
This issue happened to coincide with with the SECOND part of this story...

Second, the job I took on January 2024 turned out to be a snow job - I was full-blown snookered into taking what by all
appearances was my "dream" final gig that was going to see me through to retirement.
The pay was more than I'd ever seen; the job description was exactly what I wanted it to be, namely one of responsibility
of building service and inspection departments for 5 locations of an existing company - right up my alley of expertise.
Further enticement was the fact that I had been friendly with several employees of that company for a number of years
prior, leading to a certain familiarity/friendliness factor.
So I loaded up and headed to the promised land, leaving a perfectly serviceable gig in doing so...

Problem is - it all was a lie.
Once I got there and it all went sideways in a slap hurry, I had to either cut tail and get out of there or stick it out just
for the money. Having no choice, I stuck it out for the money...
Turns out, the manager of the locations was under direct orders from corporate to get someone in house of my experience,
expertise and licensing - and I was the lucky stiff that came to mind.
Also turns out, he had no intention of following any of what we had agreed to (and I had signed up for) and instead, I spent
the next year and a half languishing in near inactivity, not allowed to do any of what it was I supposedly was hired for.
Banished to solitary, as it were....

Eventually, along came a young banty rooster type that fluffed them all up on his abilities (subsequent background check
by me found he didn't know or do half of what he claimed) and the decision was made to try to force me to resign.
By August, I could have easily continued to play "the game" if I wished though - ain't my first rodeo - but my body decided
it was done all the same.
So - the last Thursday of the month of August, I got a call from Banty instructing me to report to an office 100 miles away
the next morning. When I asked for what, I was told "because I said so".
Yeah - that about did it...and despite there being no backup plan, I simply refused, bluntly.
Told him to get his happy *** over here to fetch the company vehicle and all issued accompanying phones, computers, what
not....and that I was done with the disrespect.
Because I was.
Done...which nobody expected me to say.
No subsequent amount of phone calls or pleas changed my mind, either.

(This is the part where the pity party should have occurred, I suppose - and Lord knows, in a lifetime of doing my thing
professionally, conscienciously and determined, I'd had plenty of occasion to get pissed on by employers in the past -
but you know what?
It didn't take a whole lot of time to work through all that in regards to this latest error of my judgement - which leads me
up to the Second Part (Part 2) , that I'll work on tomorrow.)

To be continued... see Post #9 below!

 

[PlymCrazy]

I’m feeling ya Ed, I’ll be looking for part 2….

 

[69 Sleeper Bee]

Ditto ^^^^
I wish you the best going forward, been down that road in business myself.
Keep the stories coming when you can
God bless !

 

[RemCharger]

The sad truth is money requirements often ruin one's health. And relationships. Hoping the best for you Ed.

 

[multimopes]

God Bless You Ed. In some strange way, maybe it was actually a blessing of some strange, unknown way. Try to let it roll off your back like water on a duck! Your health is most important! Piss on Em!

 

[Jerry Hall]

Listening and praying for you Ed.

 

[ruffcut]

God bless Ed. I almost hit the like button, but felt in this case not to be appropiate, because I don't think it fits the situation. A person can be pushed only so far and you did the best you know how to do. Good on you.
I'm reminded of something I was told long ago about such situations, to look at it as an education. Hopefully you can move past this. Praying for you. Dave

 

[Tinker67]

Bless you Ed, all your MoPar friends are here for ya.

 

[moparedtn]

Ok, the ever-faithful caffeine and nicotine at my side, let's do this - time for PART 2 - The Enlightenment!
(Sounds like a bad movie title, eh? ;-) )
(It's very cathartic, this gut-spilling stuff. I highly recommend it - you know, if you're so inclined
and don't give a rip about the exposure, that is...but this helps me work through things sometimes).
Anyways, as always I am humbled by the positive support and encouragement, y'all. Really am.
Ok, picking up from PART 1 previous...)

First off, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention/give props to my WIFE Lisa, who to her credit has been very stoic during
the whole decomposition of the former work machine known as "Ed".
She's been here through all the flatlines and slow decompositions.
She's seen me help build company after company, only to be discarded to the curb eventually while the
benefactors became wealthy.
She's watched me process losing most of my family whilst seemingly escaping death myself - over and over again
and wondering how the hell any of that makes sense (short answer: it doesn't).
She's seen the last couple of living close relations make it big in their respective fields (I'm VERY proud of them!),
yet pretty much look down their noses more and more over the years at their formerly red-headed black sheep of
a brother (that would be me) (but that's resolved in my mind now, too - no worries!).

She now sees me in the advanced stage of this ardurous slow descent, fighting and cussing the whole way...
And while she isn't the touchy-feely sort herself (NH girl, where they grow 'em tough!), these days she's even
less inclined to give me grief over where I find myself these days and doggedly refuses to abandon ship (and I
wouldn't blame her if she did, honestly).

Suffice to say, I'm not going through this alone, which means the world.
Ok, back to the story, already in progress....

So - suddenly, no fat income anymore. No worries, right?
Thinking at the time that I was "done" as in "done with that company", not "that turkey is DONE, get it out of
the oven"....someone with my huge resume' and being known in the biz should have no problem hooking up
with another company, right?
Well...not so much, turns out.
There are just a small handful of companies that do what I do in this region - and they all know me or have employed
me over time (I have amicable relationships with most of them) - but as I approached each, the story became the same:
If you're in this business and somewhat successful, you already have an ED on staff - and don't need another one....
That line of pursuit quickly dried up and since I have no other marketable skills, I was toast.

The word RETIRED has entered the chat, a half-dozen years before I wanted it to, like it or not!
Not having any retirement funds left (hospitals and such had long since raped my meager savings...
turns out, it costs a LOT to keep the average Ed alive these days!), I quick-spasmed into contacting
Social Security and filed the claim for early retirement (I'm 64; "full" benefits are at 67).
That meager income was instantly approved and we've got that trickling in at least...
Along with my wife still working (thank God), suddenly we're operating on a lot less income
for the first time - ever.
(It's all I've ever known, really - my larger sense of worth has always been tied to how productive
I could be - of my drive to take care of hundreds of customers, be self-sufficient in doing so - and
reaping the rewards as a result, thus providing for me and mine like a good boy.
Now, without that for the first time in my life - I didn't know what to do with myself, honestly).

(I'm betting I'm not alone in that one though, eh?).

Once that finality of the situation set in to my hard head, that's when all those demons you read
about came visiting....
It would have been easy to feel self-pity or what have you - and admittedly, there were a couple weeks
of self-doubt, of questioning everything I had worked for in this life:
Why am I never hearing from any of the companies I helped build over the years?
Why are all the hundreds of clients never calling anymore, at least to check up on me?
And the biggie:
Why, GOD, did I fight the good fight for DECADES if this was how it all was to wind up?
-------------------
Why, indeed....

I had a couple decisions to make at that point:
Was I still willing (and able, for that matter) to go through all the physical crap (and now, mental stuff as well)
and maintain the will that it takes to remain somewhat functional on a daily basis sans any drive to make deadlines,
please a boss, take care of customers?
Further, if I was willing... could I do so without any means of support other than my wife (and yes, God I suppose,
even though He's been REAL quiet through all of this)?
What's a fella to do when his whole purpose for being has been taken away, honestly?

Turns out - I may have not lived that part of life correctly, even with plenty of carnage along the way to give a
fella a clue of that fact. Shocker - Ed's stubborn to a fault!
One of my favorite sayings used to be "don't kill yourself for the company - you'll be lucky if they send
flowers to your funeral if you do!"
Yet - over and over, despite great injustices being visited upon myself ("no good deed"...etc.), I had just gone over 40
years doing just that and was now reaping the rewards (namely, nada. Zilch. Zero. Forgotten....).
(This would be a real good time to get depressed, eh? Quite understandable. Justified, even...)
Admittedly, there were sleepless nights as I struggled to make sense of the sudden stoppage of everything I'd lived
seemingly forever - in my world, ****'s gotta make sense or I have a hard time with it and nothing suddenly made
any sense at all.
Comes a time when a fella has to make that ultimate decision, then - sink or swim - without seemingly a reason
(at least one I could relate to, anyways), do I want to keep fighting off what's been busy the last dozen years trying
to kill me?
I had some serious resolving to do if that were even to be a possibility - and I'd have to do it alone.
Working without a net, as it were - very unfamiliar territory!

Ok, processing all this (given how my mind works) meant doing things in order:
- Re: relatives: Offer one last olive branch of peace with both of them, see what happens....
Doesn't really matter the outcome, only the effort and the opening of the door to them - swallow pride.
(See also previous Ed stories about my drive these last dozen years of finishing up all affairs (not leaving a mess
when I'm gone...)
Results? We're now amicable, but not much else. Settled. Finished as far as they'll allow. Done.
- Re: resume': 40+ years of experience, a customer list a mile long and all those records, contacts, knowledge
is now mine and mine alone; nobody else wants it, foolish though they may be.
(I wasn't so much done with the business as it apparently was finished with me). Done.
Related:
- Re: Customer/friend silence: The truly important ones have been contacted; they know what's happened.
They also know I'm not "abandoning" them by choice, but because I'm no longer in a position "officially" to help
them - but I'll always be available to assist if I can.
Otherwise, screw 'em if they're ungrateful or so easy to forget all the sacrifices - I know what I did and that has
to be enough for me at this point.
Finally...
- Re: Lisa: I have to resolve (read: trust) in my mind that she's with me until this ends.
That "trust" part is really hard for me - I've had my trust thrown back in my face, seemingly every time I've trusted,
my entire life, after all...
So here I am still. All Items seemingly resolved...?

Reminds me, a bit melodramatically admittedly, of the monologue Tommy Lee Jones has in the great movie "No Country
For Old Men". Paraphrasing:
"A man would have to put his soul at hazard. He'd have to say, "O.K., I'll be part of this world."
I guess I've managed to paint myself into the corner that says "got no reasons left NOT to go on, so...."
Still here. No apparent reason. Still wondering why - but no longer needing an answer to that one, either.
It's damn quiet these days. REAL quiet. Still getting used to that one.

Now you know "where I've been" and why I sort of disappeared from this forum (amongst other things - life in general,
really). I knew in my state of mind these last weeks, I'd be of no practical help or support to anyone else and it
was best to stay out for a bit is all...

So - current day end of this Story, to the present day. Yay!

 

[PlymCrazy]

Part 2 was worth the wait Ed. A lot in there I can personally relate to (my version of it anyway).
I'm grateful you take the chance with us here on the forum and allow yourself to be so vulnerable.
That's a rare quality these days, in my experience.
I'm certain your stories are encouraging more folks here than you'll ever even know about.

And as far as that word "trust"?
My own spin on the meaning...."who will you take the chance with?" We all come with at least some risk.
People (myself included) disappoint and I try to budget for that.
God help us to make it right if and when we do blow it. You obviously care a lot about that too.

And thank God you have Lisa. It sounds like you've already thanked Him over and over for her.
Send her our regards. She is no doubt your rock as you push on.

 

[Cranky]

I read pt 1 but have to be somewhere in a bit so gotta get ready to go there and will read pt 2 when I get back.....all I can say right now is wow to part 1!

 

[HawkRod]

It's damn quiet these days. REAL quiet. Still getting used to that one.

I know when I retired the change was massive for me. I was busy and juggling all life threw at me. I was extremely stressed with my job, and although it paid very well, I chose to retire for my own mental health and to lower my stress. It was really not a good financial decision, as I would have been much better off sucking it up for a few more years. Anyway, all of the sudden the stress (and pay) were gone.

Anyway, I have been helping out my ailing father who has Alzheimer's as well as my father-in-law, who is still trying to run a business. Finding things to do, and people to help, have been a huge help to me.

You have plenty left to give Ed, and in doing so, I predict it will give you peace and fulfillment too. You just need to figure out where, but you are doing some of it just by posing your stories here

 

[68BabyBlue]

Most people will not confront end of career, much less end of life, until they have no choice. You've had a mixed blessing, Ed, in having the health problems thrust on you early on. As Hawk stated above, just putting the issues out here in front of us is a huge contribution. You are helping others right now.