#1 - that's enough kids, man. What are ya, crazy?
Now seriously, of course we'll take into consideration you love and protect your offspring
and want them to grow to be productive and responsible adults.
In pursuit of that:
Above all else, you should be at least giving a partial look at how rules are made and
enforced in your household - and taking ownership of that JOB
you, as parent, bear.
Nothing else you do as parent is more important, honestly.
It is a
job, much along the vein of that saying about you not being able to be a buddy
to a kid AND their parent at the same time - which is at least partially true.
How rules are handled with kids leads to how much (or little) they grow up respecting other
people, other peoples' property and the rules/laws of society in general.
I cannot stress that enough...
Much of the destruction, disregard for fellow humans, lack of responsibility, etc. we see displayed
within the millennial generation right now comes from just this point, in fact - overly permissive
(or even sadder, inattentive) parents lead to production of young "adults" who are entitled and
disrespectful - which ultimately leads oftentimes to situations detrimental to others and society.
Doesn't mean you have to be an ogre as a parent - hell, just the sight of my dad getting his dander
up (and God forbid, placing his hand on his belt buckle
) was usually plenty for my "creative"
siblings and myself (yes, I was the most obnoxious of the bunch) to tow the line - and we all
grew up educated, polite, caring and at least usually productive members of society.
Most discipline is making the child understand there are rules
and consequences for breaking them
and having them take you
seriously about that - then making sure both parents are on the same
page, so that the kids get the same answers from either of you.
I managed to inherit a couple of stepsons at one time that were already well on their way to being
hellions when they arrived, so my job was doubly difficult - but once accepted, I couldn't shirk the
responsibility I'd signed up for.
The result some years later is two young men that are polite in public, are now married with kids of
their own and provide for their families - and I don't see their names in the crime blotter in the
newspaper.
Another good example of all this was just recently for me, when my wife's grandkids (4 boys, all within
the age group the OP mentions) came for a visit over Christmas break.
They always arrive rambunctious, full of vinegar and pretty much thinking they're freed of the usual
expectations when they come here - until they and I have our little talk to begin the visit, which
typically consists of reminding them that they are now
guests in another persons' home and that
respecting same, both in manners and physical restraint, will not only be expected but enforced.
There's some grumbling, of course, and since the oldest is now 14, even a bit of sass back at first
since he's gotten away with that at home...
Well, he quickly learns that crap doesn't fly here.
Results? We had a blast going all over creation, attending attractions and eating dinner out and all
the usual family fare, with just the occasional normal flare-ups between siblings, quickly quelled.
I get a kick out of their calling me "Pop", too - since that was what I called my own dad.
Bottom line? you brought them into the world. No bigger, more important job will you ever have than
molding them into decent human beings.
The rest of the world will thank you for it - and it is your duty and responsibility to do so.