"Last Call"
(Precursor: This series of events was not undertaken with any negative mindset or morbid conclusions attached.
You'll have to trust me on this; it's the truth, regardless of how parts of it will come across in the telling.)
Ok, as mentioned before, I'm shooting straight from the hip on this one, matter-of-factly, so forgive all manner
of syntax, grammar and perhaps even
Kernspelling errors to follow....
Also keep in mind I am not attempting to compare my own travels down the end-road of this life to anyone elses'
- as everyones' trips are of course unique (and mine is admittedly downright
bizarre in places, man!)
Right into it then - and as always with the caveat that first,
I'm writing this for myself, cathartically so - but if anyone
else gets anything from it, that's great too.
Finally, I have a hedge for the "ending" of this story - there's no wise or witty wrap-up to this one, at least at the
onset of the telling of the story - but as this trip taught me, sometimes one just needs to
go and see what happens
along the way, so...
Ok, let's do this.
As some will remember, I've been on the 10-year "maybe" plan in remaining above dirt for - yep, you guessed it -
the last decade now and I've passed my freshness date in that regard. An enormous blessing to be sure, one I'm
extraordinarily grateful for of course - but the accelerated aging process that comes with missing organs and numerous
anesthesias and surguries (we aren't old cars, after all - it's not possible to restore our carcasses like a oldMopar)
is what I've been left with now.
Not complaining, just acknowledging facts here. Beats the alternative...trust me on that one.
As such, I've been on an admittedly sort of weird mission to clean up anything I have going on in life; to "not leave a
mess", to wrap up whatever loose ends that may exist, to resolve unfinished business with whatever/whoever I've
experienced for the last 60-something years
(I'll qualify for Social Security next week - who'd a thunk it?).
Those efforts were pretty much taken care of on the wifely front a little while back; Lisa is going to be fine when I do
kick and that was no mean feat...it costs six figures to stay alive if you're me, after all.
She's even hellbent on keeping Fred after I'm gone, God love her.
We're not anywhere near well off, but we're ok on that front, which leaves all the
human bits to deal with for me...
Which brings us to the events this week and this story.
(Crowd yells out "ABOUT DAMN TIME!" in unison...)
I have but two immediate family members alive - a younger brother and older sister, both very successful in their
respective fields and both who I am very proud of, if not quite a bit different from in personalities.
They're very intelligent, professional and educated and driven by quite the career goals; I can both respect and
acknlwedge those attributes and love them as siblings, all the while being wired diametrically opposed to such
a mindset.
In fact, as we all grew up in Atlanta in the 60s and 70s, I was cursed as being the one of the four kids with the
most "potential" of them all - and it
is a curse being tested and labeled as such, so you parents out there, pay
heed to that bit of "Uncle Ed advice" here with your own kids, please.
I just didn't have that same inner drive to take over the free world as they did is all.
In fact, the more they hung "Mensa" this or aptitude test that around my neck like education liked to in those
days, the more I resented it -
I just wanted to be a kid like everyone else.
I digress...
Suffice to say when our family of 6 were together back in those days, Mama's family was one of those huge
deals, lots of aunts and uncles and cousins and all that.
Over time, my little brother passed from kidney failure, mama died early from pretty much just wearing out
(she was so tiny, about 90 pounds; they had to "break" both my shoulders and hips to get me out!).
WW2 hero uncles passed on with time, as did all the grandparents and a shocking number of cousins, too.
One day, I looked around and there was pretty much just my crusty carcass and my two remaining siblings.
Still stuns me, all those folks gone now....
But now, given my own lot in life determined and rapidly being executed, it was time to address any
remaining unfinished business with bro and sis - and since any and all had been discussed betwixt us
over time already, that left only
the films....
For mama's part, she had an 8mm film camera that she used sparingly over the kid years and I am now the
keeper of those precious films in surprisingly good condition - about 18 of them, good for 20 minutes play
time each.
Yeah,
the films...
Given my own memory gaps that comes from the croakings and such over the years, these films became ever
so critical in documenting our family history, at least for me (both of them still being sharp as tacks still had
their memories, too).
I had meant to transfer the films to digital before they deteriorated any more from age, but it never
got done - until now, that is.
The drive to settle unfinished business running strong in me, the films became "the business" as far as bro
and sis were concerned.
So I took a chance, ponied up some hefty loot and sent them off on faith to LegacyBox for the process....
and some months later, they returned for better or worse - and I had something to offer Kathy and Jon other
than empty promises finally.
I delivered the digital results to both, we had a couple evenings of discussion that tapered off quicker than
I had anticipated and that was it -
business concluded, I guess.
(After all, we often do things because we know they needed done, regardless of reactions of others to them).
Apparently the family history stuff is more important to me than them and that's fine; we're all lugging our
own crosses around in this life.
If you're keeping score at home,
The List at that point became:
1. Wife in good shape financially after I'm gone.
2. Fred got done - never over, but a working, driving car, amen.
3. Brother and sister - I did right by them in the end, at least with "the films".
4. Pop and I settled up when he passed, at least the way he wanted to.
5. Ditto Mama.
Which leads to....
"Are you done yet, Ed?"
Not quite, thanks for asking.
After all the "have-to's" above were addressed, it was time for a bit of my own settling up to acknowledge...
Primarily:
Since historically Pop's side of the family is far less fleshed out in my database, I had questions of my own -
and nobody left to ask them to - and let's face it,
Ancestry.com only goes so far.
(That site at least gives people like my sister something to do when she's not orchestrating a corporate
takeover or what have you - gives her a sense of family, in an oddly convenient way she's comfortable with...)
I had often heard from Pop or Uncle Eb back when they were alive that my own sudden onset health issues
were gotten "honestly", but never with any detail to support such statements.
I knew of both their medical trevails, along with little brother Joe's own demise from kidneys - and some of it
lined up with my own, but beyond that I had little to go on -
and I wanted to know what was ultimately
taking me out of this life...and why.
At least, as much as I could find out anyways....especially from a heredity standpoint.
So...
I ponied up more cash and got ahold of my grandfathers' death certificate (Pops' father) and all became clear
about Pop and Uncle Eb's "comes by it honest" comments.
My grandfather, Rufus, turned out to be a veteran of the Spanish-American war - born in 1877 - and was 59
years old when Pop was born!
Beyond that, though - he was wounded during the war and all, but what caused his death?
Yep - kidneys. Uremia, the document specified. Kidney failure (no dialysis in those days), blood carrying too
may toxins and bad stuff in general.
So, that explains a lot....
Brother Joe. Pop. Uncle Eb - and of course, me (giant cancer on my left kidney 10 years ago, damn near got
me).
"Come by it honest", indeed. Grandfather, father, me....
Why this wasn't made more clear to me when any of them were alive, I've no idea.
He also suffered ulcers (yep, me too since teens, the bleeding kind)...
But
that answer resolved one big arse question left in my soul, finally.
Nothing to be done with that information really - it just closed a door for me mentally is all, for my own
medical path outta here is both clear and unavoidable.
Ok, on to the next one!
As kids, when it came vacation time, we'd all load up in the family '68 Monaco wagon and head up Dixie
Highway from Atlanta to the foothills of Tennessee (you'd take I-75 now, of course).
A lot of my blotchy memories of childhood revolve around riding in the back of that thing - and all the
sights of 60s-70s rural southeast USA along the way.
Call it a bucket list thing, but it's a tiny wish I had - since I hadn't tried to recreate that trip in a sort of
"Route 66" manner in decades - was to go see if I could find the exact same route now
from memory.
That's right - no GPS, no Google - straight up from my failing recall powers, I wanted to go find the route
taken so many times by my folks back then....
Mission accomplished!
My wife dutifully in tow, we made a long day of it and I found the old route all through the valleys and
towns of Anderson and Campbell counties - and as I had so wished it would, each mile of that drive
brought back memory after memory, to the point sometimes where I had to just pull over and stop.
It got pretty overwhelming in places, admittedly...but I did it and it brought ALL the emotions to the
party.
But wait, there's more!
There were also
other tasks to pile onto this trip, too (hey, I'm a born multi-tasker with zero patience):
1. Visit mama's grave along the way, as I've done dozens of times but not lately...bad Ed, bad son!
(about a 2 hour drive from here).
2. Find Pop's mother and father graves (about another 45 minutes or so) - "Granny" and Rufus.
And the total crapshoot goal:
3. Find the farmhouse we lived in when I was born - and with no "modern" address (only the PO
box back then) and a couple pics to go on, this was a hell of a challenge.
I even sent messages to bro and sis that I was in the region and asked if they wanted anything while I
was there. Responses ranged from indifference to outright "what could I POSSIBLY want from there?"
Whatever - the important part was I bothered to ask them, dutifully....
Ok, the checklist:
1. Check, visited with mama - and have a contact now I can try to reach about the vacant space next
to her in the cemetery (yeah yeah, I know - morbid, but that decision got made this trip finally, so it's
oddly relieving too).
Done.
2. Granny and Rufus' graves, which I'd never visited (he died in 1950; she died at 100 years old!).
That proved a bit of a hunt even with the aid of
findagrave.com...
Turns out, they're very near where she lived all her life (and Pop was born at), in a small church
graveyard that they'd blocked access to via locked gate.
No matter - we parked at the gate and hopped over the damn thing (there wasn't any signs saying
not to, not that it mattered to me) and set about finding them.
Success!
There lay my grandparents on Pops' side, right next to each other - the folks I knew next to nothing
about, especially in comparison to Mama's side, where I remember Popaw and Mamaw well.
Now, I had death certificates, service records and I had actually visited their graves, something none
of my other siblings had ever done (and won't ever, in all likelihood).
Done.
3. The REALLY hard item - and now, the final bit of my own "business" to deal with:
find my birth home, given a whole lot of vague, less than definitive information (and some help from
the Anderson Co. historic society, to be fair).
Lisa and I spent hours scouring the countryside of the only valley the house could be in (if it even
still existed, that is) and....
Bingo.
It still exists, albeit with 60+ years of life run past it...
Done.
After that discovery, it was time to head home - I had finished my own personal "don't leave a mess"
itinerary and a lot got put to bed in my mind...
If you're still reading, God bless you for your stamina and indulgence. Thank you!
Now I bet you're wondering
"ok Ed, what now? What is the conclusion to all this?"
Well...good question, actually.
Sort of wondering that one myself - but I at least no longer have anything gnawing at me to finish up,
other than the usual routine life things we all deal with daily - and I guess if anything of use can be
gleaned from all this for anyone else, it's this maybe:
Don't leave anything on the table in this life. If something inside you is grating at you,
finish it.
If you're wanting answers to something, don't go on heresay or
"I ought to check that out one day"
or
"I'll get around to that sometime later" ....
Life isn't on our timeline; we don't control the Plan here. None of us have the time we think we do.
Get it done.
Oh - and me?
Very odd situation I find myself in - there's an odd calm to my mindset now, one that's never existed
before in me. Lots of emotions were surfaced on this trip - but a lot got settled, too.
I'm grateful to have been granted the extended time past my freshness date to do it - and I fully
realize that trip can never be accomplished by me again, too.
A "farewell" tour of sorts, sure - but I'm ok with that, too.
