Last Ed Story of 2025 - "The Experiment"

[moparedtn]

I read recently another essay on how society and peoples' relationships within it have changed with the advent of the internet age.
How we interact with family, make and deal with acquaintances, friends, potential mates, children, co-workers, that sort of thing
supposedly has totally changed with the advent of all the technology of the day, making it both easier and more difficult to stay
in touch with those we care about - and perhaps in some cases, shouldn't bother with?

This particular article suggested an "experiment" of sorts to demonstrate some of the conclusions it drew from the report...
This caught my eye, having been in the sort of limbo I've been in these last few months....so...
The basics:
It's been an eye-opening year of a kind for me on this particular subject, true. When my profession of 40+ years quit me before I had a
chance to retire properly from it (ok, my body actually failed first, but...), I have been sort of participating in this experiment without
meaning to anyways, so this fit right into me being "midstream" in it when I decided to follow it through.

So, The experiment (already in progress for me, since end of August remember):
Although I never went 100% "dark", I decided to go mostly "quiet" on any social contacts via text, emails, phone calls, etc. to all but a couple family members.
The "experiment" was intended to see who, out of all the hundreds of contacts/"friends" one accumulates over time actually are more than just a contact from your past - i.e., do they actually give enough of a damn to check in on you from time to time?

The idea is that you'd of course reply as normal to contacts from others - you just wouldn't generate any new ones yourself to send to anyone.
(Like I said, I'd already been participating in most of this concept for some months now, unwittingly...)

So...my results?
A few examples, starting with Facebook:
- A couple hundred "friends" on Facebook has yielded a half dozen actual friends, who've shown genuine concern about my well-being.
The rest on that "friends" list? Observing from afar, like most of us do I imagine...

My "contacts" list on my cell phone:
At one time, the hub of dozens of calls and texts daily as I played traffic cop with dozens of customers, flagged calls from "real world" friends and family and daily contact with Lisa.
322 Contacts I felt worthy of saving on the thing....
4 months after my untimely "demise", maybe 5 of those remain active - if that many.

The same approximate ratios can be found on a large online forum I frequent (and am considered a "regular contributor" to, at least I was before...).
Hell, anywhere I frequented online, same results....

So what's the conclusions that I derived from all this, correctly or otherwise?
1. Accept every interaction at face value, nothing more.
2. Expect that most people in this life only approach you when they want something and figure you can give it to them.
3. Very few people can think beyond their own self-serving emotions and interests - we don't raise them to be considerate
of others like we used to in society.
4. When you decide to offer aid, assistance, comfort to another - do so knowing full well the favor will, in all likelihood,
never be returned.
5. If you think you're important to your company, your acquaintances, whoever - you most likely will be all but forgotten
when you leave their midst, short of the occasional "wonder whatever happened to so-and-so" references in the future -
and the timeline for such will be much faster than you expect.

Literally, we all came into this life alone.
I have no evidence to the contrary that we won't leave it that way as well...

That's neither bitter or bittersweet.
It just is....
Consider me thoroughly humbled. I've been such a fool, in so many, many ways....

Y'all do better than me, ok?

 

[DeltaV]

Happiness stems from within, not attachment to people, places, or things.

Take care of yourself.

Libraries are filled with books by the great philosophers. Check some out and read them over the winter months.

 

[moparedtn]

Happiness stems from within, not attachment to people, places, or things.

Take care of yourself.

Libraries are filled with books by the great philosophers. Check some out and read them over the winter months.

The species is a social, not solitary, one by nature.
That said, in my case it wasn't a life spent "attached" to anything - if that is what you came away with, I've failed to convey clearly -
but more to the point the emphases, the prioritizations, being misplaced - frequently.
No good deed goes unpunished...

As someone in the third trimester of accelerated aging, I'm not of the mind to engage any more such readings;
one could argue I've squandered enough time on such to be honest.
If anything, I could do a better job on studying scripture - but close-up vision headaches limit much of that, too.

Instead, more productive time has been spent tying up loose ends, filling in gaps, exhausting any unfinished
leads and completing any open tasks - with the very few family I have left living, as well as the fewer still true
friends I've managed to retain in this life.

There's nothing new here, I'm well aware - folks retire from long careers spent going the extra mile every day,
after all - and most of them wind up in some measure feeling their experience and knowledge will as such be "wasted"
now that they're out of the loop. Nothing new there at all...
But still, I'd like to think I tried to avail something useful of my particular trip for others to glean a bit of wisdom from.
If not? Oh well.
The importance is always in the intent, after all.

 

[Dave6T4]

I retired 13 1/2 years ago. I am a pretty outgoing kind of guy, and had quite a few friends at work. After about the first 3 years of retirement, I hardly ever saw any of those people again. A few years ago, the plant closed altogether, and people had to find work in other places. After Covid, I found that my visiting habits changed drastically, as did others. Now, my good friends consist mainly of old car buddies, who visit each other regularily

 

[66 Sat]

You reap what you sow.

A better "experiment" might have been to send a friendly, upbeat personal message to your 322 contacts etc and then see who replied. I bet it would be way more than 5.

Sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring - it aint gonna happen. That's not reflecting badly on those people either, friendships are a two way street and if you're maintaining radio silence then one way of that street is automatically shut down.

People are busy and will naturally be communicating with those other folk who are "in front of them". They also won't gravitate towards someone who is showing signs of depression or self-pity. 4 months isn't much these days either, heck I don't hear from some friends for a year or more but then when we do get in touch, it's like we've never been away.

As has been been said above, happiness comes within. Fix that and the results will be pleasing.

 

[Hey-O]

I retired 13 1/2 years ago. I am a pretty outgoing kind of guy, and had quite a few friends at work. After about the first 3 years of retirement, I hardly ever saw any of those people again. A few years ago, the plant closed altogether, and people had to find work in other places. After Covid, I found that my visiting habits changed drastically, as did others. Now, my good friends consist mainly of old car buddies, who visit each other regularily

That's because you live in the real world, I'm with you. Life goes on and that's just how it works! Being prepared or learning to roll with it, is part of the game of life!! I was sixteen when I learned life is what you make of it and how you adjust to changes. Nothing new here. We can't go back, we're not in Kansas anymore! My social media footprint............ you're looking at it.

 

[Dennis H]

One or two friends. The rest are acquaintances. Nobody cares, and nobody wants your stuff. Simple. Roll with it as above.

 

[Davefinan]

You reap what you sow.

A better "experiment" might have been to send a friendly, upbeat personal message to your 322 contacts etc and then see who replied. I bet it would be way more than 5.

Sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring - it aint gonna happen. That's not reflecting badly on those people either, friendships are a two way street and if you're maintaining radio silence then one way of that street is automatically shut down.

People are busy and will naturally be communicating with those other folk who are "in front of them". They also won't gravitate towards someone who is showing signs of depression or self-pity. 4 months isn't much these days either, heck I don't hear from some friends for a year or more but then when we do get in touch, it's like we've never been away.

As has been been said above, happiness comes within. Fix that and the results will be pleasing.

100% agree. Most people’s nature is to shy away from folks who are emitting sadness , depression and negativity. Most people have plenty of that of their own and are trying to find ways of dealing with it. So anyone who expects others to just show up and make your problems go away, well it’s just not realistic. Like you say , find ways to happiness yourself, it’s not going to appear on its own and say …..I’m here.

 

[Dennis H]

100% agree. Most people’s nature is to shy away from folks who are emitting sadness , depression and negativity. Most people have plenty of that of their own and are trying to find ways of dealing with it. So anyone who expects others to just show up and make your problems go away, well it’s just not realistic. Like you say , find ways to happiness yourself, it’s not going to appear on its own and say …..I’m here.

That explains it.

 

[oldbee]

Well written Ed, you always come up with “thought provoking “ essays. Waiting for 2026. AND, all the above were very good too.

 

[71dodgechargerrt]

Ed all the best in 2026. Always loved your stories.

 

[moparedtn]

Many have apparently missed the point of my post; in fact, several have unwittingly offered supporting evidence
to what I was driving at to begin with....
Namely, that the fundamental, course-altering methodology of societies' functioning has effected marked changes
in the behavior of the species, specifically in regards to one another.
It has become so easy, effortless....and as such, in a way disposable....how we go about communicating with one
another.

The conclusion being drawn in the original post was to make note of such behavioral changes - and to perhaps point
out that oftentimes we prioritize the wrong, least-deserving folks for the focus of our efforts, when in doing so
we're likely to be inadvertantly taking attention away from someone else more deserving of same.
The thing about this "instant" electronic communication age we live in...it's a too-often slippery slope
to not only not being very civil to fellow humans to actually being quite harmful, all in the stroke of a keyboard.

Assumptions are instantly drawn (often erroneously, as in this particular case) and not-so-necessarily good-intentioned,
unsolicited opinons ("advice") are rapidly spewed from folks who 1)misunderstood the intent of the original post,
2)don't know the posting party from Adam, 3)assume that what they're spewing forth from their keyboards is some
sort of unique wisdom unbeknownst by the rest of the world and 4)is actually useful/applicable to the original poster.

I'll make it simpler for some of you:
1. I didn't ask, nor do I need, any help being "happier". I'm quite comfortable with my efforts in this life.
He knows, too, as do the effected parties.
2. I didn't claim, nor do I believe, that what I wrote about is in any way unique to my experiences.
It isn't - and that's the point of the posting.

Hopefully that puts an end to the misinterpretation of the posting....
______________________________________________________________________________________

Those that have proven over the years to be the "Good Sams" on this forum and to myself and others, I THANK YOU.
You know who you are. So do I.
Happy New Year everyone. Should pan out to be a hell of a show. God Bless you and yours!
Ed

 

[Unkle Krusty]

Over the Christmas and new years holidays for me: I am making a list of all the things I own, and how they might be dealt with after I am dead. It will be my Dead book.
Just made a note to list any group chats I belong to.
As part of this plan I have been getting checked by the docs.
And I will be getting rid of excess stuff. Mostly extra bikes. They will be gone by the end of January, but I will still have enough to ride. I do not plan on exiting any time soon, neither does Shirley. But having plans in place seems like a good idea. Job one, is not try and stay up until midnight. It was midnight in England at 1600 our time, 3 hours and 50 ago.

 

[Davefinan]

poster.

I'll make it simpler for some of you:
1. I didn't ask, nor do I need, any help being "happier". I'm quite comfortable with my efforts in this life.
He knows, too, as do the effected parties.
2. I didn't claim, nor do I believe, that what I wrote about is in any way unique to my experiences.
It isn't - and that's the point of the posting.

I guess he told us…

 

[66 Sat]

So it's ok for you to offer  your unsolicited advice for us (who you also don't know from a bar of soap) to "all do better than me" on a subject that we already understand, and then once again criticize nearly everyone who comments on your post as "not understanding what you said, don't need the advice spewing from your keyboards, blah blah and by the the way thanks to the special few that understand me and stuff the rest of you".

Whether you like it or not, your posts over perhaps the last 12 months or more have been negative and depressive and often misleading with regards to your personal circumstances.

They often follow this same pattern:
1. Post is written in a way that can be seen as a cry for help, or a "poor me" situation.
2. Advice is given with good intentions.
3. Advice is knocked back as "post was misinterpreted, everything is fine".

Hope 2026 marks a new chapter of positivity for you.

 

[69 Sleeper Bee]

I still enjoy "Story time with Ed "
Always will, thanks Ed !

 

[Davefinan]

So it's ok for you to offer  your unsolicited advice for us (who you also don't know from a bar of soap) to "all do better than me" on a subject that we already understand, and then once again criticize nearly everyone who comments on your post as "not understanding what you said, don't need the advice spewing from your keyboards, blah blah and by the the way thanks to the special few that understand me and stuff the rest of you".

Whether you like it or not, your posts over perhaps the last 12 months or more have been negative and depressive and often misleading with regards to your personal circumstances.

They often follow this same pattern:
1. Post is written in a way that can be seen as a cry for help, or a "poor me" situation.
2. Advice is given with good intentions.
3. Advice is knocked back as "post was misinterpreted, everything is fine".

Hope 2026 marks a new chapter of positivity for you.

F’ n spot on. I could not have said it better myself. I believe the man has a way of pulling you into his problems , health issues , or whatever, and then when you feel for the guy , he turns a 180 and tells you you don’t understand.thats not what I meant.
I guess you could ask….why do you read it? I would probably say it’s a morbid curiosity type of thing. See if it’s the same old thing. It always is. It would be nice to read one day that the guy has figured his shite out but I’m not holding my breath.

 

[moparedtn]

I still enjoy "Story time with Ed "
Always will, thanks Ed !

Very, very kind of you. I promise, next one will be the usual "guess what happened on the way to the forum" type.
Hopefully amusing and light-hearted.

 

[moparedtn]

So it's ok for you to offer  your unsolicited advice for us (who you also don't know from a bar of soap) to "all do better than me" on a subject that we already understand, and then once again criticize nearly everyone who comments on your post as "not understanding what you said, don't need the advice spewing from your keyboards, blah blah and by the the way thanks to the special few that understand me and stuff the rest of you".

Whether you like it or not, your posts over perhaps the last 12 months or more have been negative and depressive and often misleading with regards to your personal circumstances.

They often follow this same pattern:
1. Post is written in a way that can be seen as a cry for help, or a "poor me" situation.
2. Advice is given with good intentions.
3. Advice is knocked back as "post was misinterpreted, everything is fine".

Hope 2026 marks a new chapter of positivity for you.

1. You spend way too much time "analyzing" what I write, apparently.
2. You insist your interpretations of same are the only correct ones, even over the guy who wrote the damn thing.
3. As previously mentioned (and apparently selectively missed by you), some unsolicited advice is well-intentioned;
more of it is just blurted out by people who think they have some unique wisdom heretofore not thought of by
anyone else - made easy to do by the instant media of keyboard-submit.

My own observations in this "career" were detailed. No doubt, they're quite similar to others' experiences in part.
Also no doubt, there's nothing to be done about them now but to acknowledge, describe, or as the reader may
choose - summarily discard as rubbish, for that matter.

I've never claimed to be the smartest guy in the room. Some folks do....
But the truly smartest out there know one thing above all else: you are never the smartest guy in the room.
Some folks arrive at a conclusion to a situation first, then go about finding "evidence" to support their claim
of being "right" about something...
The smarter folks will first gather all evidence they can substantiate, then formulate an opinion based on
the gathered tangible, verifiable facts of the situation.

I know which guy I try to be. Saves me from eating a lot of crow that way....

 

[66 Sat]

True...I've definitely formulated some opinions based on what I've been reading here.