Poems and Rhymes and Other Witty Stuff...

[rlem1977]

Two Irishmen, two Irishmen were digging in a ditch
One called the other a dirty son of a –
Peter Murphy had a dog, a fine dog was he
He lent it to a lady-friend to keep her company
She teased it and teased it and kept it on the jump
‘Till it jumped up her petticoat and licked her on the –
Country boy from Birmingham was sunning on a rock
Along came a bumble-bee and stung him on his –
Cocktails, ginger ales, ten cents a glass
If you don’t believe me you can kiss my bloomin’ –
Ask me no questions, I will tell you no lies
If you ever get hit by a bucket of ****, be sure to close your eyes

 

[gdrill]

One bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
He came and killed those two dead boys
If you don't believe this lie is true
Ask the blind man he saw it too

 

[furyus]

The night was dark
The sky deep blue,
Around the corner
A **** wagon flew.
It hit a bump, a scream was heard.
A lady was hit by a flying turd.

 

[the mississippi madman]

Beans beans they are good for your heart
The more you eat them the more you fart

 

[DeltaV]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You have a nose as big as a B-52's

 

[jmk77379]

Here I sit in perfect bliss, listening to the trickling piss, every now and then a fart is heard, followed by a splashing turd.

 

[Photon440]

There was a young lady from Lee
Who was stung on the arm by a wasp
When asked 'Did it hurt?'
She said 'No it didn't'
'It's lucky it wasn't a hornet'.

 

[Ranger16]

Beans beans they are good for your heart
The more you eat them the more you fart

Beans, beans, the musical fruit
the more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better your feel
so lets have beans for every meal

 

[MrJLR]

One bright morning in the middle of the night
Two dead boys woke up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came and killed the two dead boys
If you don't believe this tale is true
Just ask the blind man, he saw it too

Jeff

 

[hawkeye]

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

 

[33 IMP]

There was a girl from Anheuser
Who thought no man could surprise her
But Pabst took a chance
Found a Shlitz in her pants
and now she's sadder Budwiser

 

[chtampa]

Cadence Tunes from Basic Training

Tit and thighs
and pretty blue eyes
and things that make
your Levis Rise
Tits, tits,...


There was a dog with sad brown eyes
sitting at my door to my surprise
I lured him in with bits of meat
and then I stomped his little feet

There was a bird with a yellow bill
sitting on my window sill
I lured him in with bits of bread
and thin I stomped his little head


We sailed on the good ship Venus
My god you should have seen us
the maidenhead was a whore in bed
and the mast was an upright penis

The cabinboy, the cabinboy,
the dirty little nipper
lined his *** with bits of glass
and circumcised the skipper

The captains wife was Mable
and Mable she was able
until one day she asked for pay
and we nailed her tits to the table

The first mates name was Ned
A brawny lad was he
He would line the girls against the wall
and **** them three by three

Then there was a line about the blacksmiths balls being made of brass and when he fucked sparks flew out his ***, but it was too long ago.

 

[Ranger16]

One bright morning in the middle of the night
Two dead boys woke up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came and killed the two dead boys
If you don't believe this tale is true
Just ask the blind man, he saw it too

Jeff

The full version.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
hobos and tramps.
Cross eyed mosquitos
and bow-legged ants.
Pull up a chair,
and sit on the floor,
I’ll tell you a story
you’ve heard before*

One bright day
in the middle of the night
two dead boys
got into a fight................................

 

[Ranger16]

When me prayers were poorly said, Who tucked me in me widdle bed, And spanked me till me *** was red?
Me Mudder

Who took me from me cozy cot And put me on me ice-cold pot, And made me pee if I could not?
Me Mudder

And when the morning light would come, And in me crib me dribble some, Who wipe me tiny widdle bum?
Me Mudder

Who would me hair so gently part, And hug me gently to her heart, And sometimes squeeze me till me fart?
Me Mudder

Who looked at me with eyebrows knit, And nearly had a king size fit, When in my Sunday pants me ****?
Me Mudder

When at night the bed did squeak, Me raised me head to have a peek, Who yelled at me to go to sleep?
Me Fadder

 

[popslavaz]

There once was a woman from Nizes
She had boobs of two sizes
One was so small it was nothing at all
The other was large,and won prizes

 

[Ironbuilt]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
While wiping his chin
If my ear were a cunt I could **** it.

 

[Ironbuilt]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose wife was as loose as a bucket
He thought as he thrusted
This cunt is so busted
My dick is so limp I can’t **** it

 

[Ironbuilt]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose wifewas as loose as a bucket
He thought as he hit it
It sure looked like Brisket
And he'd get more sensation to fist it.

 

[Ironbuilt]

There was a young man from Belgrave,
Who found a dead whore in a cave.
It must have taken pluck,
to have a cold ****;
But think of the money he saved!

 

[Ironbuilt]

There once was a man from Racine
who'd invented a ******* machine.
Concave or convex,
it fit either sex,
but boy, was it a bitch to keep clean.