Raising Grand kids Any body???

[okiemopar]

So my daughter signed her 3 grand kids over to us. Has any one else got of thiers? I never realized how time consuming and costly this is. I used to be able to spend a little money on my cars but any more it takes every thing we got to make the month. I'm a disabled vet so I'm on a fixed income so we don't ever have any extra money. Is there any one else on here doing this? I know this has even caused some tense times between me and the wife. I wouldn't take for them but some times well it is not good. They are 8,9 and 10 so it is going to be a long haul, just hope my health holds out so we can get it done. So any one with any tips are advice let me know. Ronnie

 

[coloradodave]

Ronnie, Raising your grandkids might help to keep you young. Yes, I'm sure it'll be a challenge, but think of what a difference you are making in their lives. Family always finds a way and don't be ashamed to ask for help in your community and/or church. This sacrifice will get you and your wife into heaven. Good luck, my friend.

 

[Cranky]

So, what's to say she's not going to give you more to take care of? Just raising my own kids gave me grey hair! What happened to their daddy? There are some instances where people need help but man, just signing them over generally means that there are some serious issues with their parents. Can their mommy and daddy help any at all? I've seen this happen so many times and have seen the grand parents get the short end of the stick way too many times while the parents keep on partying and having fun. My next door neighbor took in 3 grand kids too.....all 3 had different daddies. Can you file for any child support form their dad or would you rather him stay out of their lives? Did he sign the paper work too? If not, he could come into the picture at any time....

 

[black64]

If the kids are legally yours as in adapted or your their legal gaurdian you should be able to get your disability uped do to them being dependants. There is also school programs that help feed kids breakfast and lunch if your income meets the requirements. These could help you with some relief. It is to bad that kids now a days dump their problems on someone else and not feel guilty about it. Don't feel guilty about asking for help you served your country and you are helping your grand kids learn responsibily that in its self is a big deal.

 

[Budnicks]

tough road

I feel for you, I don't want kids back in my house... I didn't git rid of the last of 6 college tuition payments, not just too long ago {4 kids & my sisters 2 kids & my own so actually 7 tuition payments}, kids are freaken' expensive, cloths/shoes, food, activities, insurances, cars etc.... I was a single father for a majority of their lives... I don't think I could even support a family like that today, it's probably even way more expensive now, than when I was raising mine & my sisters {while she was on active USAF duty, all over the damn country}, my youngest is 24 y/o now, finished college about 2-1/2 years ago, they all have great spouses & jobs now too... I don't want to even have to ever do that again, unless I can help it or have to, because of some unfortunate circumstances... The girls {4, 3 mine & 1 my sisters} were really easy & allot of help, until about 14 y/o, their friends were the worst part, the boys {2 oldest, 1 mine & 1 my sisters} they were both really easy & helped out allot, especially with the younger girls, taking them to school functions, when I couldn't, until about 19 y/o, they were gone & off to college.... I loved haven them all around, now I'm really glad when the go back home, after visiting, so I get some peace & quite..LOL.. I have a few friends, in their mid to late 50's, that are raising their grandkids, because of multiple different reason, their own children are losers/druggies/incarcerated, military obligations or deaths of the parents, it's got to be really rough, especially if you on a fixed income & over 62 y/o, but they're far better off with family, instead of some foster care or something crazy... Keep up the good fight, I for one commend you for taking them in, your a good person, sounds like you have good at heart... Good luck, go to allot of sporting events & after school activities, I know I always enjoyed that kind of stuff, kept me active as hell, they also make a great "kind of" somewhat free "pit crew" too...

 

[roadrunnerman]

The wife and I took care of our 1rst grandchild when he was 6 months old till he was almost 1.5 years old till his mom (my daughter) and her boyfriend (at the time) got their heads on straight. She now has 2 more girls and she is doing great with her current boyfriend now. We also tried to get custody of our other grandson. In fact, we lost our house due to the fact that we had to pay lawyer's fee. The house needed a whole lot of work any way. Don't let me scare you into thinking that you will lose your house because you are taking care of the kids now. That was just my wife and I and if we had to do it again, we would without hesitation. The suggestions that others have said here are good ideas to help you. Can you go after your daughter for child support? Just because she signed them off doesn't mean she is in the clear. I had my cars when my kids were born and now that they are grown up I can start working on them again. My hats off to you for taking your grandkids, you could've just said no. I can understand the tension you feel. Those kids are not to young to start teaching them to help around the house. Just don't make them feel like they have to do it because they are living there. If you need to vent, don't hesitate to get on here. That's what we're here for. Not only are we car people, we also practice phycology on the side.

 

[HT413]

Black 64 has a great point. 3 new dependents might change your disability #'s, and like he said, school breakfast and lunch programs can be free depending on your financial situation (i'm a high school teacher so i see it all the time.). My suggestion is dont be too proud to ask for help. In these times, Food Stamps and other programs are pretty easy to get on when you have 3 dependents, you dont need to be as bad off as you might think. Dont be too proud, just remind yourself that you're using every means necessery o help the grand kids. Doesnt hurt to ask, all they can say is no.

 

[okiemopar]

I can't get them on my disability unless I adopt them. One of the dads signed all rights over on the oldest one and the other dad hasn't been seen since he got out of the pen. The daughter is just off doing what she wants to. She does pay a little every month like 200 for 3 kids but it does help. It is a life changing event for sure, we was just starting to get ready to do some traveling. I know it could be a lot worse so I'm not complaining about it. Just some days are so much harder than others. I hope we are doing them right and later they will remember what we have done for them.

 

[Dennis H]

God Bless you. All the best. That said, no way no how for me. The irresponsible will not unload on me. Too many road trips and muscle cars yet to be enjoyed.

 

[68sportsatelliteragtop]

There is a 'cottage industry" going on in the urban areas of he country where the daughters have their kids turned into foster homes that happen to be operated by their mothers/grandmothers. Saw a news special on it a while back, some of the grandmoms are making around 50K annually.

 

[cngordon]

Two grandchildren, a son, and a daughter in Law living with us. Wasn't how we planned it but that's how it is, and most days I do love having my 5 year old grandchild around.

Your own kids will never catch on that they could occasionally grant you a bit of privacy. Nor will they ever grant you any privacy of ownership. They are used to sharing everything in your house. After 30 years of that there are times you really want to scream "Holy F.. man, I bought that f.ing thing for me, not for you." Of course anything that they actually pay for is indeed theirs alone never to be shared.

The associated costs will mean working 5 to 10 years later than we might have had to before retirement.

And we'll do it with as much grace as we can and consider ourselves blessed. My petty complaints are so minuscule to the daily lives of a million other people. I am indeed a very fortunate man, for having a great wife, for having children, for having grand children, for having good health, for having a Mopar, and for having the ability and good fortune to be able to just pay for it all and keep it rolling.

 

[Richard Cranium]

This seems to be a growing trend and I pray that when my kids reproduce, they're responsible enough to take care of the little crumbsnatchers on their own.

 

[Ron 73]

We are adopting our 7 year old granddaughter ourselves, weve had her here since November and it is different, I commend you for doing this with 3 kids, I don't know about any programs that would help financially but im sure there is some, when we get this adoption worked out we will be trying to check into something to help, our biggest worry is medical for ours, Its getting a little easier having her here with us but it will most probably never be the same as it was (just the wife and I), Its a mess that brought her to us but couldn't say no as this is where she wanted to be so that kind of cemented it in our lives, I debated on posting anything as this dredges up some bad things but had to try to give some support if i could. I and my wife wish you the best and if we find out any programs that could help you ill see that you get the information. My health isint good either, something i think about doing this because as it is i don't know if my wife would be able to handle this all by herself, so i to hope my health holds out myself. Sometimes we just cant turn away, we need to do whats right and for what its worth i truly admire you for doing this and hope they, when older know how much you sacrificed to give them a good chance at life. Our prayers will be with you and the family.

 

[roadrunnerman]

Ron, what you are doing with your granddaughter is truly wonderous. I'm sure she knows things are different and when she gets older, she will understand the sacrifice you and your wife has made and know that she grew up in a house of love.

 

[scotts74birds]

Kudos to you my friend! Yours is a truly selfless act. I have a similar situation with a step-daughter with 2 kids that makes perpetually bad decisions. I'd rather have them here than to see a parade of random boyfriends through her place. Not to mention their safety given these times. Sad to say, it might be best for the kids if she just left. Not a burden I want, But one that must be done for the kids.

 

[snakeoil24]

okiemopar, what i would do is take care of the kids. Then hire a public aid lawyer to to put a lean on the 3 sperm donators and also your daughter. It would be ok if they all would spend some time in Jail. If they cant be adults then pay the price for doing this. I feel for you. But dont let these parents just get off scott free seek a legal demand on them.

 

[marlabuck]

Our grandkids were great kids...sweet and good natured UNTIL...they got into about the 8th grade...then they became the new generation...lazy...arrogant...completely irrational...now let's see where they are at today...grandson is 19...still lives at home...my son,his dad got him a job as an asst electrician...wire puller etc at $16.25 an hour...he lasted 3 weeks...too hot to work pulling wire in the Arizona sun...okay...well he is happier now working part time at a Taco Bell...let's see his sister is now 16 and delights in telling her mother to "F" OFF!!! has slammed her bedroom door so hard that there is a 4 foot crack in the plaster...now another granddaughter thought it would be great to get pregnant a 15 and raise a child...she is now 18 and is completely out of her element...her great friends now have left her and she is working a minimum wage job...paying for day care and calls us at least 3 times a month wanting help with her bills...now the last grandchild is a boy of 7...very sweet kid...but of course at his age the others were great kids too...my husband and I listen to their problems but WILL NOT give them any more money...peer pressure...the schools...I do not know...all I know is I respected my parents...been working one job or another since I was 12 and would never dream of wanting the world to owe me a living...there is some kind of disconnect with these kids...Marla

 

[Sonny Black]

the Lord will provide,,,with your help. you must be a good man.....:angel13:
then go and find the dad and ask for some support & man-up$.

take care,
Sonny

 

[Cranky]

Marla, been down a similar street but not with so many kids. Our oldest got into drugs at an early age and already had some problems before doing that. Starting around 14, she met some jackass that was nothing but bad news and she's still messing with him 23 years later and several years ago she married him! They've both been in and out of jail with him taking the honors of spending a lot more time inside. He even tried to kill her once. Anyways, she must have kicked a dozen holes in the walls as a teen and I finally told her good bye at 17.....either that or I was going to kick a hole in her head and I damn near put a bullet into her boyfriend now husband's head a few years back. Man, I could write a book on this junk! One good thing to come of it all so far is that he doesn't mess with me anymore.

 

[scotts74birds]

Even the best parent in the world can have a kid that goes-off-the-rails. I was one of them kids. I thank God he blessed me with the sense to fix myself. At 22 I realized I had no skills. Nothing to offer. And the group I hung with had jail or death in their future. I bit the bullet and joined the Army Reserves. Thinking that if it sucked, then only once a month. Turned out to be the best thing I ever did! When I finished initial training, I wanted to go Active-Army! While working on that, an electrician friend brought me along on a side-job. I took to that work like a pig to ****! Loved it! I've now been an electrician for 25 years, and still love what I do.
Guess I'm saying, adolescence is hard these days. But with the right guidance, most of us are saveable, and can become good adults.
I dont mean to bash, but very few women can single-parent. I dated many moms in my 30's, and many of them were more concerned with being their kids best-friend, than being their parent. They would rationalize by saying "I know they are doing "this", but at least they aren't doing "that"! One famous one, "I'd rather they drink here with me, than be out on the road going from house-to-house!" They were 18 and 20. I have met many other step-dads that have walked away from this very situation.
This said, you can still do everything right, and still have a bad outcome. It's a crap-shoot. You just have to do the best you can, and don't beat yourself-up if it doesn't work. Just don't give up trying.