So....I turned 61 today

[DeltaV]

 

[JackR]

P.S. Hey @JackR - why the red "X" on Kern's post? Care to explain?

so sorry about that. Was not what I wanted to do? Fixed it.

 

[Hey-O]

Happy birthday and many more!!
Ed,
I start everyday going to the new members welcome wagon and birthdays and have never missed one!! I joined this site for more reasons than my old car, but, that's not the point today, tomorrow or even next week. We all carry a cross and this site is a place for a few 50 or so of us to sit and bitch about the world, what it has given us or what it has taken. The sky is falling or the world is ending. NO ONE knows when that day is coming, no one, not even God. He's just sent to tell us our passing has great meaning and that there's this big picture that our death will explain one day, it's part of the plan. That's just a nice way to say, sorry your turn and we have no idea why!! My comment is not open to interpretation or fact check, it's the view of a man that has been a pallbearer 18 times including my son. This is not about me, it's about you!! Your doctor doesn't know how long you have and if he did, you couldn't afford to see him, he'd be busier than God. So, with that being said, you need to slow down, you only have 40 more years, that's my best guess.

I have no idea how your birthday was missed and seeing as to how you only have 40 left, this needs to be looked into. Ulli

 

[Ultra mag]

No big deal. Lots of folks live this long, right?
I ain't nobody...
They day started off in the wee hours of the night, as it usually does for me these days.
Probably 3am or so, by my noticing that this hallowed forum had neglected to note my birthday in that little
box on the main screen.
Meh, nothing new under the sun....eat my pop tarts, take my morning meds, get in the shower, the usual.
My best bud had already arranged to come fetch me for one of our Waffle House/flea market trips we do
once in a blue moon for fun, so off we went at 7am (probably to my wife's great relief)...

Usually, birthdays are sort of a sore subject with me in general - I treat them like a lot of folks do New Years,
taking stock in my life and lamenting losses and making plans to do better the coming year.
Very stoic (and sometimes even sullen) days, these birthdays in my past...
We all get what we deserve in this life, I suppose - and with my work basically being at-home these days,
along with most all my family and friends either being passed on or being far away, it can get that way naturally.
I understand all that and only ask of my wife to let me be, it'll pass soon...

However, this birthday was different for some reason.
I'm still working out why that is, but I think I've figured it out:

Back to John and I in his truck this morning, headed to Waffle House like a hundred times before - but there was
a tension in the air, one caused by our last time together, where John had uncharacteristically been a bit insulting
and abrasive towards me in front of my wife - something that took me by surprise, as well as ticking me off.
I chose then to take the high road and simply walk away silently....and there it had been left until this morning.

John had approached me out of the blue after about a months' time had passed, acting like nothing had happened
and wanting to do this Saturday guy trip thing.
I could have held resentment or what have you - but something instead told me to go along with it, without protest,
so I did - but there was unfinished business between us and I resolved to settle it, today.
I brought it up halfway in the trip and began the process - which if course made John quite uncomfortable, him being
the typical construction mentality type - the persona projected being that of toughness and of having no quarter for
any human emotion typically and John was all that and a bag of chips.
Still, we had become good friends over the years out of a mutual respect, a common life view mostly and for recognizing
in each other an unflinching insistence on getting the meat of the matter - and now, that respect had been breached.
It required addressing and I wasn't of a mindset to allow it to go on...

Well, over the next several hours together, we'd go on about this and that and get into all manner of nonsense and visits
with the cross-section of America that is Appalachia these days, all at a rather seedy flea market, one of those you're
likely to see most anything for barter - and I do mean anything...
(Think: bar room scene in the first Star Wars....)
Just the kind of stuff John and I both like to get into. I have developed a rather illogical lack of fear of about any
situation or person these days - for "reasons" I've written about before - and it's still a kick to wade right in there.

I'd bring the main topic back up at the point we left it last time and again, driving it to a conclusion I hoped was good -
but a conclusion regardless.
Turns out, John had also wanted to resolve it for the good - and surprisingly opened up to me about some things in
his own life that were causing him pain and stress, which he never does with anyone else.
We reached an accord over the whole crux of our particular issue to mutual satisfaction and, once relieved of that,
the usual cutting up and adventures commenced...and John loves running around with me because it encourages
him to also be more open to striking up conversations with strangers, "visiting" with folks and leaving just as
benefitted as that old fella you just bought the old tool from at table #6.

Oh, sorry...back to the subject at hand:
It occurs to me that I don't have as much need to be introspective and moody on my birthdays anymore.
After all, it's all been analyzed to death; everything has been hashed to death, settled, planned out, summarily
dismissed as failures or never-to-be's.
I'll let you folks in on another little tidbit as well, since we're just talking here:
Back when I had my worst cancer (#3 for those keeping score at home) about 10 years ago and I did my last of (3)
stints on flatline duty (as in dead on the table), I had the best in the business doing the looong surgery on me at the
time - a fella who turned out to also be one of the most frankly honest (and wickedly funny) doctors I've ever met.

One of the most serious times we had together afterwards was when I asked the question nobody asks:
"How long do I have, doc?"
Rather than give me the usual song and dance, he instead paused, looked me dead in the eye and said:
"You'll be lucky to make 10 years, Ed."
Now - you'd think that would scare hell out of most anybody, right?
It didn't me at the time - because I'd just croaked for the third time, remember - and I was just happy to still be on
this side of dirt. 10 years seemed like one hell of a warranty, really....
By the same token though, everything in my life became the great challenge known as "don't leave a mess" as a
result of that prognosis.
Everything I worked on - everything I did - for the next several years was geared towards that end.
Pay off old debts. Fix this. Build that. Patch up the other.
Finish the damn GTX...
Etc. etc....
One by one, the challenges were met, regardless of several cancers to come - and all the surgeries and organ losses
and all that crap. Through it all, I had a mission and I stuck to it like glue.
My sense of will had been hardened and sharpened, by necessity.

Well .... I just completed my 10th year since that killer cancer.
Most everything I had on my list has been accomplished, more or less - and yes, Fred the GTX is enough of a car to
meet the objective too (drove him to a Cruise-In last night, then around shopping in town today in fact).
I got bad sick more times, lost time in hospitals a few times, collected more cool scars along the way.
A few more loved ones and good friends passed, too - something that hits me a little differently than most.
I know I'm living on borrowed time, but there's nothing seemingly of importance left for me to tackle.

So....all good, right?
Well, I guess....sort of.
The problem is - there was never a plan for if I made it past my expiration date.
THAT was never even a consideration - not even a possibility, hence the urgency in getting all the stuff done.
Now, though?
I'm sorta floating along really - the GOAL being accomplished, the clock being essentially beaten - and I'm still here.
What's next?
Who the hell knows. Lots of praying to the Guy Upstairs over that one....but I ain't nobody.
So when this birthday hit today, it wasn't the usual serious and sullen affair....

It just was.

Happy birthday wish you the best

 

[Charles Cook]

Happy birthday Ed

 

[Don Frelier]

Happy belated Birthday!

 

[71dodgechargerrt]

Happy Birthday Ed!!!!!!!!

 

[Ron H]

Happy Birthday pard! I’m half a decade older and been fortunate no serious med issues despite my bad habits, yet anyway. Mostly injuries/few surgeries (now trying to get my hands functioning post CTS surgeries). Recouping, unable to do stuff I never gave thought to being unable to do, has given me a chance to reflect on things. Everywhere I look around the place I spot stuff I did, built, refurbished, including the old ride that required strong hands. What’s the saying? Don’t know what you had until it’s gone? Prompts me to appreciate the life I’ve had more. As well, my outlook has changed on things getting geezier; I don’t need or want MORE stuff – trying more to get rid of it.

And recalling those we loved and great friends now passed, sometimes wonder how we keep going on without them around; but we just do.
I’m not in your league of life’s hardships though, so you have the podium and nice hearing your reflections.
By the way I always visit Waffle House’s when I’m down south – we don’t have any around here dammit.

All the best to you!

 

[davek]

Happy b day ED take Fred out and SMOKE THOSE TIRES it will make you feel better.

 

[Durandal25]

No big deal. Lots of folks live this long, right?
I ain't nobody...
They day started off in the wee hours of the night, as it usually does for me these days.
Probably 3am or so, by my noticing that this hallowed forum had neglected to note my birthday in that little
box on the main screen.
Meh, nothing new under the sun....eat my pop tarts, take my morning meds, get in the shower, the usual.
My best bud had already arranged to come fetch me for one of our Waffle House/flea market trips we do
once in a blue moon for fun, so off we went at 7am (probably to my wife's great relief)...

Usually, birthdays are sort of a sore subject with me in general - I treat them like a lot of folks do New Years,
taking stock in my life and lamenting losses and making plans to do better the coming year.
Very stoic (and sometimes even sullen) days, these birthdays in my past...
We all get what we deserve in this life, I suppose - and with my work basically being at-home these days,
along with most all my family and friends either being passed on or being far away, it can get that way naturally.
I understand all that and only ask of my wife to let me be, it'll pass soon...

However, this birthday was different for some reason.
I'm still working out why that is, but I think I've figured it out:

Back to John and I in his truck this morning, headed to Waffle House like a hundred times before - but there was
a tension in the air, one caused by our last time together, where John had uncharacteristically been a bit insulting
and abrasive towards me in front of my wife - something that took me by surprise, as well as ticking me off.
I chose then to take the high road and simply walk away silently....and there it had been left until this morning.

John had approached me out of the blue after about a months' time had passed, acting like nothing had happened
and wanting to do this Saturday guy trip thing.
I could have held resentment or what have you - but something instead told me to go along with it, without protest,
so I did - but there was unfinished business between us and I resolved to settle it, today.
I brought it up halfway in the trip and began the process - which if course made John quite uncomfortable, him being
the typical construction mentality type - the persona projected being that of toughness and of having no quarter for
any human emotion typically and John was all that and a bag of chips.
Still, we had become good friends over the years out of a mutual respect, a common life view mostly and for recognizing
in each other an unflinching insistence on getting the meat of the matter - and now, that respect had been breached.
It required addressing and I wasn't of a mindset to allow it to go on...

Well, over the next several hours together, we'd go on about this and that and get into all manner of nonsense and visits
with the cross-section of America that is Appalachia these days, all at a rather seedy flea market, one of those you're
likely to see most anything for barter - and I do mean anything...
(Think: bar room scene in the first Star Wars....)
Just the kind of stuff John and I both like to get into. I have developed a rather illogical lack of fear of about any
situation or person these days - for "reasons" I've written about before - and it's still a kick to wade right in there.

I'd bring the main topic back up at the point we left it last time and again, driving it to a conclusion I hoped was good -
but a conclusion regardless.
Turns out, John had also wanted to resolve it for the good - and surprisingly opened up to me about some things in
his own life that were causing him pain and stress, which he never does with anyone else.
We reached an accord over the whole crux of our particular issue to mutual satisfaction and, once relieved of that,
the usual cutting up and adventures commenced...and John loves running around with me because it encourages
him to also be more open to striking up conversations with strangers, "visiting" with folks and leaving just as
benefitted as that old fella you just bought the old tool from at table #6.

Oh, sorry...back to the subject at hand:
It occurs to me that I don't have as much need to be introspective and moody on my birthdays anymore.
After all, it's all been analyzed to death; everything has been hashed to death, settled, planned out, summarily
dismissed as failures or never-to-be's.
I'll let you folks in on another little tidbit as well, since we're just talking here:
Back when I had my worst cancer (#3 for those keeping score at home) about 10 years ago and I did my last of (3)
stints on flatline duty (as in dead on the table), I had the best in the business doing the looong surgery on me at the
time - a fella who turned out to also be one of the most frankly honest (and wickedly funny) doctors I've ever met.

One of the most serious times we had together afterwards was when I asked the question nobody asks:
"How long do I have, doc?"
Rather than give me the usual song and dance, he instead paused, looked me dead in the eye and said:
"You'll be lucky to make 10 years, Ed."
Now - you'd think that would scare hell out of most anybody, right?
It didn't me at the time - because I'd just croaked for the third time, remember - and I was just happy to still be on
this side of dirt. 10 years seemed like one hell of a warranty, really....
By the same token though, everything in my life became the great challenge known as "don't leave a mess" as a
result of that prognosis.
Everything I worked on - everything I did - for the next several years was geared towards that end.
Pay off old debts. Fix this. Build that. Patch up the other.
Finish the damn GTX...
Etc. etc....
One by one, the challenges were met, regardless of several cancers to come - and all the surgeries and organ losses
and all that crap. Through it all, I had a mission and I stuck to it like glue.
My sense of will had been hardened and sharpened, by necessity.

Well .... I just completed my 10th year since that killer cancer.
Most everything I had on my list has been accomplished, more or less - and yes, Fred the GTX is enough of a car to
meet the objective too (drove him to a Cruise-In last night, then around shopping in town today in fact).
I got bad sick more times, lost time in hospitals a few times, collected more cool scars along the way.
A few more loved ones and good friends passed, too - something that hits me a little differently than most.
I know I'm living on borrowed time, but there's nothing seemingly of importance left for me to tackle.

So....all good, right?
Well, I guess....sort of.
The problem is - there was never a plan for if I made it past my expiration date.
THAT was never even a consideration - not even a possibility, hence the urgency in getting all the stuff done.
Now, though?
I'm sorta floating along really - the GOAL being accomplished, the clock being essentially beaten - and I'm still here.
What's next?
Who the hell knows. Lots of praying to the Guy Upstairs over that one....but I ain't nobody.
So when this birthday hit today, it wasn't the usual serious and sullen affair....

It just was.

Ed, you’re awesome. Happy Birthday…..and some folks live more in a day than many all year. I’m glad as hell that you’re here

 

[roadrunnerh]

Happy Birthday Ed! You're 6.5 years ahead of me...

Thanks for the read, I always enjoy your well written posts.

 

[toolmanmike]

Happy Birthday Ed. 61? You're just a pup!

 

[dart4forte]

Happy birthday

 

[khryslerkid]

Really sucks when you have to start your own Happy Birthday thread!

Happy Birthday Ed!

 

[padam]

Your future stretches before you unknown.
I have great respect for you and the fight you’ve put up against all of your hardships.
My life has been a walk through paradise in comparison.

 

[68BabyBlue]

Happy birthday, Ed - I've got eight years on you, but you're way ahead of me in sorting out the mortality issues, sure glad you're still here!

 

[Fran Blacker]

Still winning!

 

[bearman]

Hey guess what it's your birthday. Happy birthday to you and many more.

 

[moparedtn]

P.S. Hey @JackR - why the red "X" on Kern's post? Care to explain?
so sorry about that. Was not what I wanted to do? Fixed it.

@Kern Dog
Thanks Jack, much appreciated!

Happy birthday and many more!!
Ed,
Your doctor doesn't know how long you have...
I have no idea how your birthday was missed and seeing as to how you only have 40 left, this needs to be looked into. Ulli

Thank you my friend.
Yeah, doc kinda does actually - as the preeminent renal cancer surgeon in the country, he's who teaches other
docs how to do what he does (using the latest in robotic surgery - yeah, R2D2 was in my innards!).
(Warning: graphic medical description immediately follows....)

Renal cancer is a killer commonly - and at the accelerated rate mine was attacking, even the best results
(including subsequent radiation and dialysis afterwards) typically gives about 5 years more....
I'm at 10 and I've never needed either post-treatments, despite them taking out a tumor larger than a
softball (it was the size of a pecan two weeks prior).
Pardon my French here, but....**** got real - and it got real, really fast.

When he told me I'd be lucky to get 10, what he meant was reality said 5, no more....
I'm glad to have proven him wrong - and so is he.

My guess on the missed birthday notification is that they've screwed with the front page layout and the box
for birthdays is too small to accommodate all the names each day.

 

[69 Sleeper Bee]

Happy Birthday Ed !!!
Thanks for another "Story Time with Ed"
I really do enjoy reading them
It keeps my mind off of other things going on in my life.
The doctors told my wife a year and a half ago she only had 3 to 6 months left to go from metastatic lung and bone cancer and she is still here although we just found out it has moved into her brain now and they are saying weeks now. We have had a wonderful 34 years together and I am grateful for that. We never know how long we have in this life.
I see you got me by 2 years in age.