Was I in the wrong?

[roadrunnerh]

As much as he's an Asshole, he's still his bio dad. Believe me, I've had to bite my lip at times.

 

[moparnation74]

Just the mere fact your stepson came and told you about it. Shows whom he respects more IMHO....

As far as approaching the guy which is commendable but based on his past history it is why your wife knows thats a waste of time....Hence is why they are divorced amongst other reasons....

You said your peace but you just can't fix stupid and just bite your tongue next time...

 

[1967coronet440]

Just the mere fact your stepson came and told you about it. Shows whom he respects more IMHO

Thanks Justin, never thought of it like that.

 

[GetX'd]

I go along with the guy that said the young boy already knows. That’s why he told you. He’s probably afraid of his bio dad. If he’s drinking when he comes to pick him up - you know he drinks while he’s with him too. I would have wanted to drop him too. Sometimes it’s hard being the bigger man. Those kids love you as evidenced by the comments they make while with you. Hang your hat on that. Screw that bozo.

 

[RT K_line]

Don't stoop to his level and if he comes to pick up his son drunk again call the police. Use your phone to vidio him for legal action if needed later.

 

[mopar 3 B]

I have a grandson going threw the same thing. His stepfather of 5 years has done lots for him and he knows it. He also knows his real dad's a *** but he is still his dad. Can't change that.
By the way he is now 15 and doing ok. Thats what matters.

 

[NJRR]

Blood doesn't necessarily make family, a genuine care and love for each other does though...

What Mike said above is what's real. My family situation is a little different but related, especially since you wrote later on that you have 2 younger sons, presumably by the mother of your stepson. There are 4 siblings in my family. My oldest brother is almost 15 years older than me, I'm the youngest. His biological father died when he was 3 and my father married our mother when he was 6 and adopted him. I didn't find out till I was 18 and he was 33, that he was my half brother. My father always treated him just like the rest of his biological children in every respect. It never crossed my mind that he's any less of a brother to me than my fully biological brother, and he's 73 now. You have 2 sons with your stepson's mother. You are a family that apparently is very close and you are raising all 3 of your sons properly. I think that your actions with the biological father were 100% justified, especially not letting him get in the car with someone who was drinking.

My hat's off to you with all due respect !!!

 

[biomedtechguy]

He may have either been projecting on you things he has or has thought about doing himself or it was just a way to antagonize you.
Difficult situation you are in bro.
You did the right thing confronting him when he came by.
Hang in there.

 

[DCCoronet]

Its a tough situation to be in as you want to be protective yourself, but you don't want to be the guy that kept a child from their parent(providing it's a safe situation). Sounds like the guy is a douche and your son already knows it.... I had it figured out when I was 3. Dad is a full time job and just being there, providing love, advice, a home, and having a cool head is what matters most. Once on that rare occasion my old man took us for a weekend and taught me how to roll doobie and threw my brother and me a playboy when I was about 8.... It was one of those moments I was happy he didn't live with us.

 

[1967coronet]

No guy with any self respect or balls would use a 7 year old to relay a message like that.
Sounds like school yard crap. Its the kids that always end up in the middle.
Your doing good, hang in there.

 

[Big Bad Dad]

"Been there, done that" in a similar situation 20 years ago. Be the bigger man, and don't get provoked into a fight. My stepsons "dad" got drunk and mean with us one night, and we pulled the kids out of his home. Long term now, the boys have absolutely no use for him, and one will not even speak to him any more. But you have a few rough years ahead of you. Wish you well.....

 

[YY1]

I was in basically your same position.

As much as I wanted to see that guy get screwed and cause him as much discomfort as possible, letting a cool head prevail was the right thing to do.

I only had a handful of uncomfortable encounters. Once I had to say "please don't ever touch my car again" after he slung the door open while our boy was getting out for visitation. He threatened to call the cops if I ever 'came on his property again", to which I explained that the street was in fact public property, etc without raising my voice too much, but sternly and within earshot of the kid.

We also refused to send the boy with him a few times when we could tell he had been drinking. Go ahead, tell the judge. I'd love to hear what the defense for that in court might be.

What you don't want is a war with someone who will likely never quit, and all of the blame being placed squarely on you, by the other party, when you can't be there to explain what really happened.

Our kid got put in the middle of his biological father trying to make things as difficult as possible for his mother.

He'd call and demand visitation, on nights when she had plans, then not show up.
He'd also just show up when she had planned activities with the boy, and demand to take him. I convinced her that neither situation needed to be tolerated, and to calmly explain why it was not very nice for anyone to do that to anyone else, using examples to didn't involve a custody situation IE, he was asking her to break a promise she had made to her son, etc.

In the end, our boy turned out a whole hell of a lot like me than his "real" father.

I like to tell people "if you didn't know he wasn't mine, you wouldn't know he wasn't mine".

This all started when he was 9. He's now 26, has followed in my profession (IT) and doesn't have very much contact at all with the sperm donor.

 

[not so famous bob]

I was in basically your same position.

As much as I wanted to see that guy get screwed and cause him as much discomfort as possible, letting a cool head prevail was the right thing to do.

I only had a handful of uncomfortable encounters. Once I had to say "please don't ever touch my car again" after he slung the door open while our boy was getting out for visitation. He threatened to call the cops if I ever 'came on his property again", to which I explained that the street was in fact public property, etc without raising my voice too much, but sternly and within earshot of the kid.

We also refused to send the boy with him a few times when we could tell he had been drinking. Go ahead, tell the judge. I'd love to hear what the defense for that in court might be.

What you don't want is a war with someone who will likely never quit, and all of the blame being placed squarely on you, by the other party, when you can't be there to explain what really happened.

Our kid got put in the middle of his biological father trying to make things as difficult as possible for his mother.

He'd call and demand visitation, on nights when she had plans, then not show up.
He'd also just show up when she had planned activities with the boy, and demand to take him. I convinced her that neither situation needed to be tolerated, and to calmly explain why it was not very nice for anyone to do that to anyone else, using examples to didn't involve a custody situation IE, he was asking her to break a promise she had made to her son, etc.

In the end, our boy turned out a whole hell of a lot like me than his "real" father.

I like to tell people "if you didn't know he wasn't mine, you wouldn't know he wasn't mine".

This all started when he was 9. He's now 26, has followed in my profession (IT) and doesn't have very much contact at all with the sperm donor.

I was the kid in the middle, watched my dad stomp my step dads *** , down in the driveway dirt when I was about 9yrs old. Had to run around the pond to my uncles house to get him, got back and the *** kickin was still going on, momma standing there beating dad over the head w/ her hi heel shoe, blood flying, the old man completely ignoring her and stradeling my step dad , working his head back and forth, Uncle pulled dad off, step dad couldn`t get out of there fast enough. He never set foot on dads property again! Way more where that came from, but won`t get into those. Always wondered how I might have turned out , coming from a normal good family, if there is such a thing ! GOD and my wife have about got me straightened up > LOL

 

[dieseldazzle]

Never a good idea to assault a family member no matter how far removed they are. Try to stay cool man

 

[747mopar]

I've been witnessing this type of thing with my brother and his non biological daughter. The father is a complete waste but somehow my brothers wife still left him to go back to the girls biological **** bag father and it's been ugly! My brother being well trained in martial arts has managed to keep his cool and not take the bait (been trying to bait him into a confrontation). No good answer to that kind of situation accept being the bigger man (mature), people will see each for who you are. Standing up to him and letting him know your not going to be pushed around was the right thing, now leave it alone.

This dirt bag that my brother is dealing with actually started sending me nasty text, I simply called him immature and that any further conversations needed to be done face to face and haven't heard a word since.

 

[Car Nut]

Buy your stepson a MOPAR!

 

[Ranger16]

“If you got anything to say to me, say it here don’t involve the kid” it got a bit heated, voices were raised but no punches thrown (i wanted to drop his *** but knew the kid was coming out any second) he was drunk, he’s been too rehab twice for alcoholso I ended up not even letting the kid go since I could smell beer on him. Anyway my wife wasn’t happy I went out there to talk to him but I felt it was 100% necessary, what say you?

Bad timing. Might have gone differently if he where sober. You can't reason with a drunk.

 

[MarPar]

You did it 100% right, Bo. It wont be easy, but like everybody says, you be the bigger man and IMHO the only thing that counts is the boy. At 7, he is perceptive to "bigger" things and it is obvious that he respects you.

Keep on the same path, brother. And next time (cuz there will be a next time) he shows up drunk, call the cops, the lawyer or both...if you really want to screw him, deny him the boy again and call the cops after he leaves. Instant DUI.

 

[Auggie56]

You did well and the time and I thank you to trust the members here to share this event. May parents divorced when I was two and with a brother on the way made six kids. It has never been easy. I got married young and told my then fiance at the time if and when we had kids I was there for the long haul no matter what. No other man that came along in the wifes life after a divorce was going to lay a hand on my kids. I wasn't easy as we both were hard headed. But we stuck together and recently celebrated our forty-eighth anniversary. Both our kids are good people in their mid-forties.

 

[Cranky]

Oh man....I could write a book about my experiences with my wife's and step daughter's crap over the years and her X husband was of no help whatsoever. "Her" daughter was 9 when we got married and the wife did the 'feeling sorry for the child of a divorce bit' after we talked about not doing that before we got married. Long story short, one day my new wife basically told me "she's my daughter and I'll take care of it" after I was trying to discipline her. It was a verbal scolding and didn't involve any threats, physical violence and wasn't raising my voice but was being stern.

My big mistake was that I did just that and let the wife handle it until I couldn't take it anymore. Real long story short, years later I told her it was my way or the hi-way because your way ain't working and a ton of crap later, things got better. The step daughter will be 42 this year and is finally doing pretty good......and she calls me dad. 25 years later of a 32 year marriage and the wife is gone again. She ain't coming back this time especially since the kids are grown and gone. The first time she left, our youngest was 5 and just didn't want that to be permanent. I guess 'until death do we part' doesn't mean much to her.

My advice to you is to stay as calm as possible, don't raise your voice to anyone involved. Staying calm but stern is the way things work for the best. Believe me, I know all too well how hard that is to do.