For the humble FBBO members: Tell your embarrassing stories !

[Kern Dog]

Funny story....(To me, anyway)
A couple of years ago I was going to Bar-B-Que some chicken. The wife had marinated some and had the chicken bits on a plate. She told me to spray some NON stick spray on the grille.
I grabbed a can and sprayed it then she brought out the chicken....
She said, "I thought I asked you to spray the grille with Pam ."
"I already did" I told her as I laid the chicken on the grille. She went inside and came back out with the can of Pam .
Well, I wasn't wearing my contact lenses at the time and grabbed a can of OFF insect repellent and thought it was the cooking spray.
We did try the chicken and it had a horrible chemical taste. I ended up dumping all of it in the trash.

 

[Kern Dog]

My older brother used to drink booze from my dads liquor cabinet and then add water to keep the level the same. I suspect my Dad's friends thought he was a cheap *** for serving watered down booze.

Mom was a sweet lady. While shopping one day, she saw a guy thumping on watermelons in the produce aisle. She asked his advice on how to pick a good one. Once she was home, she told Dad that she picked a good one because she asked a man for help. Dad joked when he asked..."What did the guy look like?" Mom said, " Oh, he was a nice man, Black with gray hair and real tall".
Dad was shocked. "You asked a black man how to pick a good watermelon " ? !!

 

[Jerry Hall]

Mom was a sweet lady. While shopping one day, she saw a guy thumping on watermelons in the produce aisle. She asked his advice on how to pick a good one. Once she was home, she told Dad that she picked a good one because she asked a man for help. Dad joked when he asked..."What did the guy look like?" Mom said, " Oh, he was a nice man, Black with gray hair and real tall".
Dad was shocked. "You asked a black man how to pick a good watermelon " ? !!

I don't see anything wrong there or funny, she had already observed that he apparently knew something about it. I guess it depends on your mother or how your dad felt about it.

 

[Kern Dog]

To some people, it might be insulting to ask a black person advice on that.

 

[Jerry Hall]

To some people, it might be insulting to ask a black person advice on that.

Man, I'm form the South and we are the ones that are accused of being racist, but on the other hand I asked a black lady about why she was smelling the cantaloupes. I wrongly thought you thumped them like watermelons. Turns out if you smell the stem where it was pulled from the vine and it has a sweet cantaloupe smell it is good, and if it has little or no smell put it back.

 

[Aeronet]

Years ago when I was a teenager my mom took me to the drive thru at Wendy's to get a hamburger and something to drink. I told her I wanted a Biggie drink. She gave them our order and when asked what drink she said a Biggie drink. They said what kind? She said a Biggie drink. They said what kind? She said a BIGGIE drink! Then it dawned on us.

 

[Kern Dog]

I have accidently called my current wife by the name of my first wife....
Mary is so cool though. She knew by my expression that I was really sorry!
Hey, both names started with the letter M.

 

[Kern Dog]

I have never been a very patient person.
For my 40th birthday, the family was over along with a few friends.
I decided to do some drinking. I rarely drink so I'm not so good at it.
I wanted to be drunk though so I had a couple "Hard Lemonades". Nothing happened.
I had some vodka....still nothing.
I had a little more vodka and WHOA...it started to hit me. I sat down to open my presents. Three presents in, I started spinning. I was going to barf so I got up and excused myself. I got both the shits and the vomits at the same time. I filled up the waste basket and the toilet. I spent over an hour in the bathroom, then stumbled to the bed. I opened the rest of the presents the next day.

 

[Sahara]

During my much younger, ummm, chemically enhanced youth, buddy and I return from the bar. We are at that stage where you’ve drank so much and so long that you’re beyond impaired, your body is adjusting and you’re straightening out. We’re hungry. We decide on frozen pizza.
We cook up a frozen pizza, and although it tastes a bit off, we eat the whole thing. While cleaning up we discover that not only are you supposed to remove the styrofoam tray before you cook it, you definitely should remove the styrofoam tray before you eat it. We did neither.

 

[Kern Dog]

Not embarrassing, but...
I played a trick on my nephew one time when the family was over for an afternoon bar-b-que.
I asked him to help point out the dog turds in the yard so I could scoop them up. He is 8 and loves to do just about anything with me. I had a buddy lay a Baby Ruth in the grass a few minutes before. Jaxon saw it and I went over and picked it up and took a bite.
He was not fooled by it.
Smart kid. I'm going to have to step up my tactics.

 

[Jerry Hall]

When I purchased my first Viper, I joined a Viper Club out of Birmingham, Alabama. At the first meeting I attended it was decided to meet at the Montgomery drag strip to make some passes. The night came and I got ready to make my first pass. I was lined up next to the club president and it was the first pass for Vipers that night. Having not been on a drag strip in 25 years at the time, I rolled through the water box and cleaned the street tires I was running like everyone else had, but I noticed that the other Viper drove around the water box. I think everything would have been fine we had staged and made the pass, but the announcer took the opportunity to talk about these cars for about 2 minutes. Finally the lights came down and we were on our way. I had no semblance of traction and kept thinking all the way through first gear, that everything will be great once I get to second. Wrong, I hit second and did an immediate 180 and was headed back towards the tree. I was so scared, embarrassed, or what have you the I went back to first dumped the clutch did another 180 and finished the run. I crossed the line at 127 mph according to the time slip, but it took me a little over 20 seconds to do it. Water dripping out of the wheel wells is not a good thing.

 

[tnfastback]

I have accidently called my current wife by the name of my first wife....
Mary is so cool though. She knew by my expression that I was really sorry!
Hey, both names started with the letter M.

Hopefully not during sex

 

[beanhead]

When I was younger I had a friend/girlfriend that was Japanese Hawaiian. I would hang out at her house often; her folks were good to me and very traditional...you removed your shoes and left them outside or just inside the front door. Right inside in the entryway there, her mother had a large glass coffee table, maybe 3'x6' that was covered with these little decorative figurines and other trinkets. One night as I was leaving, we were all standing there and while saying goodbye I lightly rested my foot on the edge of the table to help me get my shoe on.....the top was not attached to the legs and the whole glass slab tilted up about 45 degrees and aaall her mom's stuff slid off and crashed to the tile floor...I wanted to die!

 

[Sahara]

Not me directly, but I was in line at a store one time.
Two ladies in front of me are carrying on small talk. Suddenly one of them joyously and loudly exclaims: “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were pregnant!”
The other lady, her voice absolutely dripping with disdain replies: “I’m not!”

 

[Kern Dog]

Are you saying there was a black man in the supermarket, and not out digging a ditch, AND he knew something about fruit? Amazing! This is 2020 you know? Some stories are best kept to yourself. Heck, there might even be a black man who owns a B Body mopar now and can use a computer. Quite incredible.

This was 1990.
Looks like you are easily triggered. Best take your attitude elsewhere.

 

[Kern Dog]

I graduated in 1983. On grad night, Mom and Dad let me stay out all night.
I did.
Just as the sun was coming up, I was heading home. I ran out of gas just exiting the freeway. I'd ran out of gas in the Dart before.
I jogged home, about 5 miles. There was a 3 gallon gas can about half full in the garage so I grabbed it and my bike and rode back to the car. I poured the gas in the car and cranked and cranked but it barely wanted to run. It smoked and kept stalling out. I took the can to the nearest gas station and filled it then went back to the car. Just as the battery was almost too weak to crank it over, the car was running but not well. It smoked and ran rough. I went to the gas station and filled it up then went home to go to bed.
Later I found out that the can had Kerosene in it....my Dad used it to kill weeds. I ran the car down to almost empty before getting gas again just to burn up the crappy mix!

 

[beanhead]

Farting on a date.....that's embarrassing. Done it.

 

[Aeronet]

Not humble pie for me, but one of my favorite stories. In 7th grade I had a friend I shared a locker with because it was a big school and it was convenient. Well, he gave my locker combination to some other guy so various people were getting into my locker. My mom made my lunch for me and she always put some sort of dessert in there such as a Ding Dong or those little bite-sized candy bars. Occasionally she made brownies. I'm not that big on candy, but I really liked the brownies. At any rate, my snacks started disappearing.
This went on for a while. I finally got fed up and told my mom. I talked her into making some brownies laced with laxatives. Thievery stopped. Funny thing was that no one mentioned it. It just stopped. Someone got the message.

 

[NoCar2023]

 

[Aeronet]

Are you saying there was a black man in the supermarket, and not out digging a ditch, AND he knew something about fruit? Amazing! This is 2020 you know? Some stories are best kept to yourself. Heck, there might even be a black man who owns a B Body mopar now and can use a computer. Quite incredible.

Cut it out. Enough already. You are ruining the thread.
I know of three black people here who are very interested in B body Mopars, one of which owns a '68 Charger, another has a collection of '60s and '70s Mopars, and another that really wants one.