Little Johnny anyone?

[kikgas01]

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'

Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

 

[moparstuart]

Lol

 

[Finallygotmine]

Thats a god one. Most little Jonny jokes can't be told here. but here is one.
Hope it's OK.

Jonny starts a new year, teacher tells the class that on Fridays, she will ask a trivia question. Who ever gets it right, can take Monday off and come in on Tuesday.

First Friday at 2:55 the teacher says" OK class, here's the Question, if you get it right, you can come in on Tuesday" How many gallons of water are in the Pacific Ocean? Jonny gets mad as no one on earth could answer.

Next Friday at 2:55 teacher asks " OK class, here's your question, if you get it right, you can come in on Tuesday " How many trees are in the state of Montana. Now jonny is really mad.

Next Friday Jonny aims to fix her wagon, he paints two marbles with black paint and puts them in his pocket. 2:55 rolls around just before the teacher is to ask her trivia question, Jonny pulls them out and rolls them up to the front of the classroom. they hit the wall with a "crack!!" Teacher turns to the class and asks "OK, who's the comedian with the two black balls?"
Jonny yells out "Richard Pryor teacher, see ya on Tuesday!!

 

[kikgas01]

LMAO, That is a good one.

 

[Stumper]

Here's a good one I just ran across. I think it's clean enough for the site??

The Class Project

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.
Little Sally led off: "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said. "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was little Johnny's turn, the teacher held her breath...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467!" he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said little Johnny. "Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"Easy... I found the busiest corner in town," said little Johnny. "I set up a chip & dip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said the same thing, 'Hey, this tastes like dog poop!? "

Then I would say, ?Well, it is dog poop, want to buy a toothbrush?"

"I used Obama's approach by giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the taste out of your mouth."

 

[sicksatellite]

So a salesman walks up and knocks on the door, and Little Johnny answers, wearing a robe, sipping on a glass of brandy, smoking one of his dad's cigars. The salesman looks at him, surprised. "Little boy! Is your mother or father home?" Little Johnny looks at the salesman, takes a swig of brandy, puffs on the stogy, ashes on the carpet then grinds it in with his toes, and says "The F**k do you think??"

 

[Finallygotmine]

Lmao, I think Little Jonny drives mopar!!!!

 

[BuiltPoly318]

I always thought this one was great.

The teacher is having all the students come up with a word starting at the beginning of the alphabet, and then using it in a sentence. She starts with 'A' and Little Johnny raises his hand.

"Obviously he'll say '***', I just know it!", the teacher thinks. So she calls on another kid.

Then gets gets to 'B', then 'C'... 'D'... and each time Little Johnnie raised his hand but she knew better.

Finally she gets towards the end of the alphabet and she's on 'R' and once again Little Johnnie raises his hand. She runs through every single swear word or nasty slang word she can think of and she has nothing. Reluctantly, she calls on Little Johnnie and winces as he lowers his hand and begins to speak.

"RAT!", hollers out Little Johnnie. She expected something awful that not even she could think of, and with a sigh of relief she repeats the word, "Rat?? Very good, Johnnie. Now can you use it in a sentence?"

"Sure", he answers. "We found a big mother #$%#ing hairy assed rat in the basement and that sonofabitch ate all my #$%#ing candy and sh#! all over the damn sofa!"

 

[Joe Mopar]

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods.

Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND...."

Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story.

He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

 

[kikgas01]

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother was putting cold cream on her face.

"Why are you rubbing that cream on you face, mommy?" he
asked.

"To stay pretty for daddy," said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with
a tissue.

"What's the matter mommy?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"