Dustin Diamond has a large penis and has used it to have sex with more than 2,000 women, most of whom he picked up at Disneyland
Diamond’s sales pitch for this book, it seems, is: “As wholesome as Saved by the Bell appeared on screen, the exact opposite was happening behind the scenes, and I’m broke and desperate enough to sell everyone out and tell you about it.”
But his unspoken mission statement is: “I’m not Screech. I’m 100 percent, in every single way, not Screech. I’m cool, I follow no man, and women find me irresistible.”
Diamond tells of many of his exploits; even starting one chapter about halfway through the book with the sentence, “Is it bragging to say I’ve banged over two thousand chicks in my life?” (And as my fellow journalism brethren will note, yes, that line contains yet another misused word.)
And while it seems he met many of these anonymous “chicks” when they were extras on the show or during the cast’s mall tours and cross-country appearances… he says he actually seduced a large number of them at Disneyland.
“People don’t realize that Disneyland in the early ’90s was the perfect place to meet and hook up with chicks,” he writes. He then goes on to describe the best rides on which to carry this out (“The Haunted Mansion — a totally dark, nine-minute ride.”) And finally, he explains, his method was simple. He and a friend would walk around, wait until two (often international) tourist girls would recognize him as Screech, and take it from there.
The saddest part of all this? As I read that, I said to myself, “Yep. That probably did work.”