Nation Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like Soccer

[Richard Cranium]

U.S. — After the men's national team was dealt a crushing 1-3 loss by the Netherlands, the United States expressed deep relief to no longer have to go on pretending to like soccer.

"Hoo-boy, I didn't think I could keep that up another day," said local man Aaron Bronson. "Thank God for the Dutch!"

After twelve grueling days of trying to get excited about a ball mostly being passed backward, celebrations broke out across America as its World Cup run came to a close. "I know we only have to fake being soccer fans every four years, but it's been a brutal couple of weeks," said local bar owner Greg Jaster. "We scored three goals in SIX HOURS of soccer! And I have it on good authority from a Brazilian buddy of mine that our last goal was actually an accident. I'm trying to be a good patriot and cheer for our team, but come on."

According to people who watch soccer, the U.S. team actually looked better while losing during this World Cup. "The Americans really didn't get outplayed, they just made awful mistakes in all the big moments," said England native Sean O'Houlihan. "They created wide-open shots, and then completely whiffed. They would play excellent defense against the best strikers in the world - but then would totally forget to mark a mediocre player. It's really rather tragic."

At publishing time, no one had understood a word Mr. O'Houlihan had said and switched the channel over to real football.

 

[topside]

 

[DeltaV]

Posted to this "1968 -1970 Mopars" forum?

 

[Runcharger]

Just a sport to launder money.

 

[3sloppydogs]

I concur with the OP. I think I watched 3 minutes, maybe. Got bored, I think I would have rather watched golf.
Now i'll have a beer in celebration

 

[DodgeBoy5150]

 

[Sahara]

Now Aussie rules football, THERE is a cool sport! Even rugby.
Just not soccer. Or golf. Or tennis. Jeez, they televise freakin’ poker now.

 

[33 IMP]

US will never be competitive in soccer. "Football" is the #1 sport in all the world, except for us. The best athletes in other countries play soccer. Our fourth or fifth best athletes play soccer, if they aren't good enough for our other sports.

 

[moparedtn]

Perhaps they should have concentrated more on their game and less on other things:
U.S. men's soccer team sparks 'outrage' over LGBTQ rainbow crest

 

[gdrill]

The only good thing to come from soccer / "football", is Foosball!

 

[440 4 speed]

FOOTBALL!!! The name seems to mean that you move a ball with your feet. So if you are propelling the ball with upper extremities that would not be included in the classification of propelling it with your feet, or lower extremities only.
I wonder if there is any PURE football game in the universe? Humbly submitted.

 

[coronet68mx]

Living in a country where everybody loves soccer I must say ... soccer sucks!!! except for the UEFA matchs, those are always good !!! European soccer is the best... but i still don't like it.

 

[WileERobby]

Watching soccer... the best cure for insomnia. It makes boredom, exciting. Makes you think of anything else.

 

[eldubb440]

kicking a ball....... yeah, the difficulty alone commands respect


maybe if fighting and bench clearing brawls were part of the spectacle...... nevermind, hockey players do that on skates

 

[eldubb440]

but THIS is ******* great!

 

[Sahara]

Living in a country where everybody loves soccer I must say ... soccer sucks!!! except for the UEFA matchs, those are always good !!! European soccer is the best... but i still don't like it.

Hey my amigo! Last Saturday my nacionales amigos and wife and I went to a Mazatlan Venados game.
Had a fantastic time. In the photo I’m half wacked on Corona showing off my New Mexican teeth. Had to shave off my beard so that the dentist could work.

 

[moparwacko]

Got bored, I think I would have rather watched golf.

Golf?
Really?
The only possible thing worse than actually playing golf, is watching someone else playing golf.

 

[3sloppydogs]

 

[Budnicks]

So true RC, so true...

so much hype & so much losing too

 

[Cranky]

I concur with the OP. I think I watched 3 minutes, maybe. Got bored, I think I would have rather watched golf.
Now i'll have a beer in celebration

Didn't watch a single minute of it but was glad to see on the news that the U.S. beat 'Cast Iran'!